Friday, January 31, 2014

Instant Feedback: The Thrill

You can't see the fan I refer to here, but this is about the time when he was marking out like a youngster
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The opening segment of Smackdown was notable for several reasons. The Shield teased breaking up, only for Seth Rollins to play mediator. Vickie Guerrero got big-timed by Triple H, who in turn got intimidated into making the match that the Hounds of Justice wanted, nay, hungered for, a war with the Wyatt Family. During that time, when Roman Reigns stood tall in the COO's face and told him without saying a word that he didn't care how many titles he won or what powerful family he married into, Trips asked the crowd if they wanted to see the two most evil trios in WWE square off in a match at Elimination Chamber.

Among the throng of people shouting "YES!" at the rare black hat vs. black hat match was an elderly man, white hair slicked over to the side, black and red rugby shirt adorning his upper body. He had a surly look about him, like a sailor or an old hockey pro from a time long passed. But along with the young kids and the lifer fans from the Attitude Era, he swooped his arm across his chest in uppercutting fashion and in grandfatherly fashion mouthed the affirmative that put the match in stone.

No matter what date was on that man's birth certificate, he had the thrill as if he was standing in the crowds in his youth.

Any Shows This Weekend? National Pro Wrestling Weekend

Devin Chen: PWG DDT4 2013 1/12/13 &emdash;
Do the Inner City Machine Guns have what it takes to win this year's DDT4?
Photo Credit: Devin Chen

Wrestling and the weekend go together like lamb and tuna fish. Wait, strike that, I've been watching too many Adam Sandler movies lately. Anyway, wrestling and the weekend go together like peanut butter and jelly. That the best shows happening from Friday night through Sunday is no coincidence, my friends, and this weekend, the shows will not be in short supply. I will describe the premiere events down below, but if you don't see one and still wanna partake, head on over to Pro Wrestling Events to see if any are in your area. Until then, the best of the best are described below.

FRIDAY

My favorite tournament in wrestling is King of Trios, but a close second is the Dynamite Duumvirate Tag Team Title Tournament presented by Pro Wrestling Guerrilla, known more by its shorthand of DDT4. PWG's annual tag team tournament will for the second year in a row be their first event of the calendar frame. The American Legion Post #308 in Reseda, CA with a bell time of 8 PM local time. Last year, the Young Bucks won and spoiled El Generico's final appearance in the company before he went to help the orphans. This year, they will abstain from the bracket [read: are too chickenshit to defend their belts?] and eight more teams will vie for the chance to take said belts from the Bucks.

The brackets shake out as such: Kevin Steen and Adam Cole will butt heads with Joey Ryan and Candice LeRae. The Best Friends of Trent? and Chuck Taylor collide with the RockNES Monsters, the Johnnies Goodtime and Yuma. The Unbreakable F'n Machines of Michael Elgin and Brian Cage will take on the dastardly upstarts PPRay (Ray Rosas and Pretty Peter Avalon). And in the final first round match, the Inner City Machine Guns of Ricochet and Rich Swann will take on AR Fox and ACH. The semifinals and final matches will happen tonight as well. In addition to the tourney action, Adam Thornstowe will migrate from NorCal to make his company debut against Tommaso Ciampa, and Kyle O'Reilly, Drake Younger, Johnny Gargano, and Chris Hero will square off in four-way action.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Throwback Thursday: Pepe Wins! Pepe Wins!

This week, a grown man jobs to a hobby horse.



Tip of the hat goes this week to @brandonRowher, who not only gave Pepe as his wrestler, but also provided the clip.

A Tale of Two Tales: National Pro Wrestling Day 2014 Preview

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Will Icarus have to be pressed into battle once more?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
National Pro Wrestling Day is in Easton, PA on Saturday. The show starts at 1 PM. A gaggle of WrestleBros, including myself, will be there. Beyond those facts, I am not sure how to gauge what is going to happen in two days. The narrative splits into two distinct tenors for the events to unfold at the Palmer Center/Funplex.

The superficial story for National Pro Wrestling Day is an event full of fun, colorful characters from the Chikaraverse coming together and raising money for an awesome charity, Against Malaria. Scores will be settled. A title will be contested. Two mat technicians will go toe to toe in a best two-out-of-three falls match in what is being positioned as the nominal main event. Mirth and merriment will be offered for all in the name of wrestling and helping out the less fortunate.

But beneath the surface lies something a bit meatier, a bit more mysterious, a bit more dangerous. The cast of characters at NPWD and the venue suggest that this gathering is part and parcel of the Chikara/Wrestling Is family of promotions. Chikara is coming up on eight months dormant, and the only three piece of the Wrestling Is CHIKARA! anagram left standing are the H, the K, and the exclamation point. Someone has been funding a ghost army of rogues that is nominally headed by Dr. Cube and contains such fiends as the Gekido, the Bruderschaft des Kreuzes, and Sinn Bodhi. They paid off Sidney Bakabella to join their mission. I don't know if Bakabella and his Wrecking Crew are beholden to ideologies. All I know is that he loves money and will do anything for the best payday.

Best Coast Bias: No Alarms And No Surprises, Please

We gonna rock this futhermucker like three the hard way
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The week's barely half over and Stamford's all up in a heaval. People want the Year of the Goat, and they want it right the beard now. The Royal Rumble winner is dealing with his lukewarm-to-die-in-a-fire response to those people as his comeback starts in-ring with middle fingers and side eyes. And possibly one of the best five guys on the roster threw his hands up in the air and headed back home with more room in his fridge than he had the last time he kinda-sorta did this kind of thing.

So how comforting must it be to have something like Main Event, a little tract completely controlled and not held judgment to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune?

Yes, this has been referred to before as the Perfectly Cromulent Wrestling Hour. This was one of those shows, and it will be again. Yet sometimes we forget that even in the recent past perfectly cromulent was something that these shows weren't always, clogged up with the likes of Simon Dean and Mason Ryan, et al. Even here on WWEME, stories continue and the narrative of the bigger shows bleeds over but doesn't dominate. This week, like a fine football team, they hit upon the three major categories and while they didn't Dean List anything, the grades when it came to tag team, women's, and singles wrestling were more than good enough to pass.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 127: Brandon Stroud and Danielle Matheson (The NPWD Preview)

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Don't call him Francis OR late for National Pro Wrestling Day
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Episode 127: Thunder Frog Road

This week on the show, Brandon Stroud of With Leather and Danielle Matheson of the Mandible Claw stop by to preview National Pro Wrestling Day. We go through the entire card, from top to bottom, and peruse our interest in each match. Brandon breaks out the FMK (using PG terms) on the Baltic Siege, I get a lesson in how to speak Canadian from Danielle, and we choose our own [country] [adjective] [animal], Siege/Polar Baron's Union style wrestler name. Brandon describes his Republic of Doyle porno parody, and Danielle gets stars in her eyes about Eddie Kingston using the phone wrong. All in all though, we do our best to get you, yes, YOU pumped for National Pro Wrestling Day. Go there live or watch it streaming online FOR FREE. And also make a donation to Against Malaria.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure

The Referendum on Daniel Bryan Is Centered around the Wrong Person

LOL, people think this guy's a genius? Get a grip.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So, fans and wrestling writers have decided to have a referendum on Daniel Bryan thanks to his non-appearance in the Royal Rumble and subsequent "damage control" on RAW. I've seen charts myopically citing average segment gains not being as high as John Cena or The Rock as reason without doing any of the hard contextual research needed to make that jibe as "evidence." I've seen pieces written calling Bryan's omission in the Rumble disgraceful and others that sanely point out that he was never advertised for the match in the first place. People have debated whether this whole thing was a work, or whether Creative and Vince McMahon had to "furiously rewrite" RAW to account for their "new" star. I've even seen people say unironically that Bryan's lack of merchandise sales on the levels of Cena or CM Punk as concrete proof that he's "not a draw," ignoring things like aesthetic quality, availability, or the fact that Bryan's shit is selling at a healthy clip and just because he's not moving product on the same level as the FRANCHISE OF THE COMPANY FOR THE LAST DECADE that it means anything substantive.

Your Midweek Links: Rumble Fallout

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Wrestling Links:

- The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 126: Patrick Vint [Royals Rumble]

- Instant Feedback from a Live Audience: 2014 Royal Rumble Review [The Wrestling Blog]

- 4 on 4 Fans: The Royal Rumble (f/ me!) [Wrestling on Earth]

- The Best and Worst of the Royal Rumble: I Was Saying Boo-Tista [With Leather]

- On Kendrick Lamar losing to Macklemore, WWE's Daniel Bryan, and the importance of being the People's Champ [The Smoking Section]

- WWE 2014 Royal Rumble recap: Where do we go from here? [SB Nation]

- Big Ben's Royal Rumble recap [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Question: What did WWE expect with the Royal Rumble? [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- Where WWE really went wrong with the Royal Rumble [Ole! Wrestling]

- Royal Rumble 2014: Will we ever forget our YES-gasm? [RTV Wrestling]

- 2014 ROYAL RUMBLE [Rumblemetrics]

- Bang for Your Buck PPV Review: 2014 Royal Rumble [Juice Make Sugar]

The Best Moves Ever: Steenalizer

Kevin Steen is a man of a billion finishers. The Package Piledriver, the Sharpshooter, the Deep Sea Diverticulitis (the best name for the F5 EVER), the 450 splash. All of those moves he performs are stiff and beautiful in their own right, but I don't think I've ever seen a move as unique as the Steenalizer. I have trouble describing it, but my best attempt is that it's a powerbomb suplex that he sometimes does into the corner like he did here to Adam Cole. My love of arcane head dropping is well documented here, so duh, this move is definitely one of my favorites.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Jimmy Snuka Cold Case to Be Reexamined

Snuka is a person of interest in the death of Nancy Argentino
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Via The Lehigh Valley Morning Call site

The investigation into the death of Nancy Argentino is going to be reopened for a grand jury investigation. Argentino was found in the now demolished George Washington Motor Lodge in Allentown, PA. Former WWE wrestler and then-boyfriend Jimmy Snuka was implicated in the 1983 death, but he was never charged. Argentino's injuries were consistent with her moving head striking a stationary object, and her injuries suggested "mate abuse." The grand jury will investigate the evidence and see if the authorities should press charges against Snuka.

The fact that Snuka evaded charges in the first place always felt suspicious. He originally claimed he shoved her and she hit her head, but then he recanted and said she fell over while trying to urinate on the side of the road. The district attorney didn't specify whether new evidence had popped up, but the fact that charges were never explored in the first place with that initial admission was just weird at best.

Rumors swirled that Vince McMahon shelled out a lot of money to keep Snuka from getting charged, but those accusations are without hard evidence. However, I will be interested to see if now that Snuka isn't an active WWE wrestler if it will be easier for him to be brought up. Either way, the death of Nancy Argentino needs to have some closure. If Snuka is innocent like he says he is, then I hope the process exonerates him, but if justice is required for her death, it is long the fuck overdue.

Character Reboots: Jimmy Jacobs (and El Torito)

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Jacobs has done all there is to do on the indies; could WWE comedy extend his career?
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

I was watching AAW's The Chaos Theory from 2013 the other day, and a Jimmy Jacobs match came up. Watching him for the last couple of years, basically as soon as he left Dragon Gate USA and came into Ring of Honor, made me wonder how a guy as solid as he was both on the stick and in the ring never got a shot in WWE. I posed the question on Twitter, and I got a bunch of answers about how Jacobs is tiny, even too much for WWE. Small indie rings and smaller competitors relative to him in those companies always made Jacobs look bigger than he was, but when you make Daniel Bryan look like John Cena and CM Punk like Roman Reigns in stature, WWE is not going to take a look at you, fair or unfair.

A few days later, I was catching up on non-RAW and Smackdown WWE programming, and Los Matadores were prominently featured. As much as I thought Primo and Epico Colon didn't get enough air time and could probably have been great as is in the current tag environment. Even Ryback and Curtis Axel, who are the bottom of the bottom in terms of "guys who win" in current tags have performed well when given extended time. But they put on the masks and the uniforms, and they got exponentially more boring. I can't comprehend how two dudes who have been able to be interesting with no gimmick can't elevate one. Say what you will about how latently racist the characters or how corny they are, but kitsch has been able to work in WWE in the past.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 2014

On the right, the winner. On the left, the star performer.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Putting aside any immediate feelings about the narrative, let’s take a look at the 2014 Royal Rumble by the numbers. Where was history made — for better or for worse? What performances will stand the test of time?

The most obvious starting point is Roman Reigns. In his first Rumble appearance, the Shield member logged nearly 34 minutes and made a record 12 eliminations. How good is that? Only 15 wrestlers have more career eliminations than Reigns produced in a single night — and that list of 15 includes Cody Rhodes, who was credited with his 13th elimination for helping to oust Alexander Rusev.

Reigns and CM Punk made their first final four. For Punk it was his first time in six Rumbles. His three eliminations on the night moved him to 18 all time, passing Chris Jericho (15) and Edge (17) and leaving him one behind Randy Orton for tenth on the all-time list. (A reminder here that I don’t give credit for illegal eliminations, so Kane’s endgame ouster of Punk adds nothing to the Big Red Machine’s career total.)

Nice, Dolph, but That's Not PG

Photo Credit: WWE.com

WWE's "Battle of Cleveland" last night was a surprisingly but not surprisingly decent midcard bout between the magnificent Dolph Ziggler and the chronically underestimated Miz. Miz wore a Browns jersey, which given his state in WWE and stature among most of the fans with which I interact is hilariously a propos, while Ziggler wore that Cavs jersey. Yeah, that number may not be most family friendly one to wear, but when was that ever going to stop the Show Off? Then again, maybe Ziggler was celebrating how many days were left until WrestleMania.

In a side note, I hope WWE scrounges up two wrestlers from Milwaukee for a similar battle the next time they're back in the Brew City, if only because I would love to see someone wear a Giannis Antetokounmpo Bucks jersey...

Monday, January 27, 2014

Instant Feedback: The Art of Trolling

Troll on, yo
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Stephanie McMahon, the concern-trolling mom voice of WWE who brilliantly manipulated The Big Show in the autumn, made her grand return to RAW tonight. Sure, the vessel which she used to convey that passive-aggression was on the show continually, but her joie de vivre for making the innocent feel guilty for all the wrong reasons was dissipated in the oddball impulse for her and her husband Triple H to continue on this dallying path of riding the fence in a way that would have given both of them major crotch wounds had they done so literally. Fighting with Randy Orton is not a recipe for success for the WWE's preeminent power couple. However, snagging the red meat from a Royal Rumble that left a lot of people unhappy, whether intentional or not, was nourishment enough for the McMahon who held Kane's mask aloft as an unearned trophy to return back to the body from whence she left to travel the planes of existence in search of a higher truth.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 27

KING OF THE RUMBLE! KING OF THE WORLD!
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - Having the entire arena go bonkers for you when you close the show is easy. Having an entire arena chant your name, or more specifically, shit on the ending of the second biggest pay-per-view of the year because you weren't involved in it? That takes talent, man.

2. Chuck Taylor (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Who said cartoon violence couldn't be tastefully done? Also, RIP crudely-sketched Michael Elgin doodle.

3. Beyonce (Last Week: Not Ranked) - I didn't even watch the Grammys and I still felt a rush of entertainment value course through my veins when she was on stage. The Illuminati may not exist, but Bey's got some otherworldly Jean-Grey-as-the-Phoenix energy radiating from her that still puts her at the center of the world's power structure.

National Pro Wrestling Day FREE for Everyone, Plus Match and Talent News

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
The Siege faces its greatest challenge to date at NPWD
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The National Pro Wrestling Day is taking better and better form by the day. More names have been announced, more matches have been signed, but the biggest news out of the camp has been that not only will live admission for the event be free, but so will the streaming. Those who aren't fortunate enough to live near Easton or those who weren't judicious enough to plan a road trip around the event will now be able to watch the show free of charge via YouTube. Last year, the streaming was for an extra fee via Smart Mark Video on Demand, but the amount of names appearing on the show were more diverse and the travel miles logged by those talents a bit more pervasive.

As for what the audience will be seeing on Saturday, the two tentative matches have been confirmed. Shynron will battle Juan Francisco de Coronado in a no disqualification match, while the bout for La Copa Idolo has been confirmed. Joe Pittman will defend against Heidi Lovelace. In addition, three other matches have been announced with a fourth tentatively scheduled via the Twitters.

From the Archives: Fred Yehi vs. Davey Richards

Beyond Wrestling took its show on the road this past weekend to the WWA4 Wrestling School in Atlanta, GA. The greater Atlanta area is home to Platinum Championship Wrestling, which is Fred Yehi's home company. I've been on the "Yehi-to-Beyond" bandwagon for awhile, and that union was close to happening, but fell through on every occasion, until now. Yehi made his debut for the company's Sleeper Cell tapings against familiar rival Chip Day. However, since I've already shared a Yehi/Day match through this feature before, I'm gonna go and give y'all this offering. Davey Richards invaded PCW back in 2012, and of course he took on the stiff amateur-tinged grappler in a showcase bout. This match was one of my 100 best from 2012. Watch it now and get a preview of what you can expect from Yehi getting a first look at Beyond, hopefully the first of many.

Art and the Public Trust: An Essay on WWE and Its Relationship with Its Fans

Is WWE's vision for Bryan the correct one from an artistic standpoint?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
As an artist, are you beholden to your fans, or do your fans need to judge each of your works by its merit and decide if they want to accept or reject it? Does a purveyor of entertainment have to give the fans what they want, or is its artistic vision trump everything else? These rhetorical questions are not easy to answer. Even though I believe in idyllic conditions, the artist has to be able to have carte blanche, when the public is theoretically involved by the purchase of stock, then the picture gets muddled.

Wrestling is not a sport. No matter what anyone wishes to say about the matter, promotions involved follow distinct scripts. The action is pre-determined and in many cases choreographed before the match begins. Even matches 100 percent called in the ring have that predetermination, even if the script is improvised moments before it is played out. Wrestlers are performance artists. The road agents are the directors, and the creative staff and bookers create literature.

So, because wrestling is an absolute art, those rhetorical questions come into play for any singular promotion, none under more deserved scrutiny than WWE. They, more than any company, are under the intense pressure of balancing their art with the expectation of fulfilling the public trust. They are the only publicly traded wrestling company in America, so how far does their artistic vision extend into the expectation of what their fans theoretically want to see?

The Highlight of the Rumble Match

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Seriously, I don't know how he keeps an odious shtick entertaining each week, but Zeb Colter keeps making his racist anti-immigration platform working in mysterious ways. Maybe the audience was supposed to feel good when Big Show knocked him out because his character is just so over the top with how awful it is? I dunno. Colter continues to be the most entertaining worst human being ever, and as long as he isn't portrayed as some kind of hero, that's okay with me.

Instant Feedback from a Live Audience: 2014 Royal Rumble Review

FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Photo Credit: WWE.com
In the TH Style, of course.

Highlights:
  • After taking out Goldust on the outside of the ring, Billy Gunn hit Cody Rhodes with the Fame Asser, winning the WWE Tag Team Championships for the New Age Outlaws in the pre-show.
  • Despite having his minions tossed from ringside, Bray Wyatt used two Sister Abigail's Kisses, one off a counter to a plancha, to put down Daniel Bryan.
  • Brock Lesnar viciously attacked Big Show before the bell. Show never got a chance to recover all too much, and Lesnar put him down with the F5.
  • Thanks to a distraction from the Wyatt Family and a well-placed RKO, Randy Orton retained the WWE World Championship over John Cena.
  • Roman Reigns set the elimination record in the Royal Rumble with 12. However, he couldn't translate it into a win, as Batista eliminated him to win the Royal Rumble match.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: A Recap

Cena's one of four who have multiple "best" spots
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So we’ve gone through all 30 Royal Rumble entry positions, along the way naming the best ever at each slot. Some choices were no-brainers, others were almost down to a coin flip. Of the 30 men listed below, 15 won from the highlighted entry position. They are responsible for a total of 142 eliminations (my system credits 822 total eliminations in the 26 Rumbles).

Four men appear on the list twice — Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Randy Orton and, somewhat sadly, Rob Van Dam. It’s somewhat amazing only five on the list are no longer among the living. It’s far less surprising to see many names in both the “wrestler” column and the “Eliminated by” column, as Rumbles tend to ultimately pair up legends with each other.

If there’s one takeaway from this series, it’s the staggering amount of inconsequential Royal Rumble performances over the years. I could have compiled a list of the worst of the worst, but oftentimes horrible things happen to talented performers as a matter of consequence. Perhaps nothing is better evidence of this than Shawn Michaels’ 12-second showing in 1990.

Best Coast Bias: Straighten This Place Up Before The Network Comes Over

"Lovely celebration you got here, Champ. Be a shame if something...happened to it."
Photo Credit: WWE.com
So here's the best part of NXT being a live show that'll be available with the rest of the Stamford Kool-Aid and tape library treasure trove come a month from now: the narrative may hit pure Heisenberg-level purity instead of still shaming everybody else with their Pinkman-level work in the past 18 months or so.

Here's what we know we're getting come that last week in February: we're getting Zayn/Cesaro IV: It's Just As Personal As It Was The Other Times But Who Cares This Is Going To Be Awesome. We're also slated to see Bo Dallas defend his giant X against the Man That Mother Nature Forgot To Make Good Looking, Adrian Neville. On the road to that double main event the show this week worked out some kinks in one feud and failed at the other.

Antonio Cesaro came out to destroy more of CJ Parker's braincells, and got the rapturous reception he deserved for that and his b-boy stance while posing pre-match on the second rope. Parker got in more Bronx cheers from Full Sail than actual offense to the point where they tried to pretend the We The People chant was actually for William Regal (two things - at least this gave them a cheap excuse to plug the Christmas classic, and where's our favorite villian been, anyhow? Not that Tensai's Alex Riley horrible or even bad, but come on. My Young/Regal ship just sits in calm waters).

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 63

Has Cena's uncanny durability hurt WWE?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Anyway, time to go!

First up this week, @__NickX asks if by staying healthy and dedicated to wrestling if John Cena is accidentally interfering with the WWE star-making process, or if no one has deserved the baton.

I think the above is an interesting theory. Cena has not only been unusually healthy for his career, but when he HAS been out with injury, his nearly Wolverine-levels of healing factor have had him back in the lineup WAY ahead of schedule. The man is either a wizard or he has unlocked the secrets to better living, be it through natural means or chemistry. I am not one to judge. Of course, injuries and malaise have been the key to elevation in wrestling history, even when WWE wasn't the only game in town. Hulk Hogan laying low due to steroids gave us Bret Hart. Shawn Michaels' back going FUBAR facilitated the rise of Steve Austin, whose neck problems gave us The Rock and Triple H. Cena himself was the beneficiary of Brock Lesnar saying "FUCK YOU" to the WWE's tortuous road schedule.

Of course, Cena's monopoly on airtime isn't necessarily the only thing keeping other guys from emerging. Outside of that one story Chris Jericho and Edge related on the former's podcast about Cena nixing the SummerSlam angle with the Nexus (something they said Cena regretted almost immediately), he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who plays politics inasmuch as when Vince McMahon tells him he's going over, he's not really going to fight it. Then again, I'm not backstage. I don't know. However, I look at the people WWE has put in the main event with him at the time, and none of them really have deserved the baton until right about now, really. And to Cena's credit, he's done business with guys like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 30

Hard to believe the first No. 30 to win was Undertaker 18 years after the match's inception
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Undertaker (2007); John Cena (2008)
Final four: Ted DiBiase (2nd, 1989) Mr. Perfect (2nd, 1990); Randy Savage (2nd, 1994); Undertaker (2nd, 2003); Randy Orton (2nd, 2006); Ryback (2nd, 2013); Crush (3rd, 1995); X-Pac (3rd, 2000); Batista (3rd, 2010); Undertaker (4th, 1997); Wade Barrett (4th, 2011); Big Show (4th, 2012)
Multiple draws: Undertaker (1997, 2003, 2007); Big Show (2009, 2012)
Longest: RED BELLY Wade Barrett (2011), 19:07.
Shortest: Booker T (2002): 0:33.
Most eliminations: Six — Big Show (2009).

Out of 25 Royal Rumbles with at least 30 participants, 14 times the 30th entrant has been in the final four. And why not? What’s far more surprising is a No. 30 didn’t win until the 18th try — and that winner was the Undertaker, who’d already entered twice at No. 30. With the seal broken, it was less of a surprise to see No. 30 win the following year — though since the entrant was a supposedly-injured John Cena, there was still plenty of surprise to go around.

The first No. 30, Ted DiBiase, helped tell one of the great early Rumble stories as backstage vignettes throughout the show made it clear he was using some of his wealth to acquire the ideal entry position from Slick, manager of the Twin Towers. When the Million Dollar Man was left in the final three with Akeem and Big John Studd, it was clear the Africa Dream was on DiBiase’s payroll.

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Unbearable Weight of Uncertain Expectation: 2014 Royal Rumble Preview

Will WWE have the bearded people's choice win the Rumble this year...
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The 2014 Royal Rumble match both feels crushingly predictable, yet at the same time a mystery. In a year where the first telegraphed match for WrestleMania was hinted at during the final RAW before said Rumble event, prognosticating anything for Sunday feels like a conundrum. Then again, when WWE's plans aren't visible through the palantir, the show gets a much more exciting feel. Then again, the People's Pick to win the match isn't even announced for it yet. The only guy they've blatantly telegraphed for victory is the returning movie star not named Dwayne Johnson.

In years past, the WWE could take a chance on a Rumble winner because they had two nominally "top" belts, even if somewhere around 2010, the World Heavyweight Championship took a decided backseat to the WWE Championship. Even when the Championships were equal in stature, if one Championship match had a "not quite there yet, but close" wrestler challenging for it, the company could make up for it by booking a stronger title match opposite. The Championships are unified, at least for the time being. I would be remiss if I didn't think shenanigans in the other main event were possible. I would be surprised if WWE split the belts now, but I don't think that decision would come out of nowhere.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 29

Edge's return at No. 29 in 2010 dropped a ton of jaws
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Brock Lesnar (2003); Edge (2010)
Final four: Sid Justice (2nd, 1992); Triple H (2nd, 2008); Chris Jericho (2nd, 2012); Rick Martel (4th, 1989); Hercules (4th, 1990); Davey Boy Smith (4th, 1996)
Multiple draws: Rob Van Dam (2002, 2004);
Longest: Rey Mysterio (2011), 19:07
Shortest: The Miz (2007): 0:07.
Most eliminations: Six — Triple H (2008)

In a way, perhaps the oddest thing about No. 29 is it’s the final of three entry spots that’s never seen a contestant eliminated by more than one wrestler. Look at the list of those who eliminated anyone who entered at Nos. 1, 22 or 29, and there has never been even a double team. Does it mean anything? Absolutely not — especially if you want to argue Sid Justice was the victim of a double team of Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan in 1992. It’s my policy not to credit Hogan with an elimination since he was already out of the match, but to be fair to Sid, Flair alone didn’t do the damage.

It’s not all that odd to see Steve Austin and Big Show pop up in the eliminated by column three times, just as it’s not surprising to see Shawn Michaels in there twice. This is the end game, where the ring is almost always populated with champions, legends and future (and sometimes current) hall of famers. So who qualifies as the best No. 29?

Any Shows This Weekend? Warm up with Wrestling!

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Matt Hardy will be among those on the potential receiving end of Chris Hero strikes this weekend
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The weekend is here, and despite the dreaded POLAR VORTEX rearing its ugly head again, wrestling is still happening all around this great land. I urge you to be brave and go out in order to get to the venue of choice, because a whole bunch of great wrestling shows are happening across the world. You can find out which ones are going down by heading over to Pro Wrestling Events, but if you want the skinny on the big shows this weekend, check below, why don't you.

FRIDAY

AAW will be kicking off its year with The Chaos Theory, live from the Berwyn Eagles Club in Berwyn, IL. The doors open at 7 PM local time, and when you get in there, you'll be treated to a main event for the AAW Heavyweight Championship. Shane Hollister, with Scarlett Bordeaux by his side, will defend against scene veteran Jimmy Jacobs. Also on the show, Michael Elgin will team up with fellow Canadian Ethan Page to take on the debuting tandem of Ricochet and Uhaa Nation. Matt Cage defends the Heritage Championship against former titleholder ACH, while Team Ambition (Davey Richards and Kyle O'Reilly) face off against the team of Louis Lyndon and Marion Fontaine. Also making appearances on this show will be Eddie Kingston, Colt Cabana, Juntai Miller, Silas Young, and Jonathan Gresham.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Throwback Thursday: Van Hammer Beats Ron Simmons!*

*- ...at arm wrestling

Early '90s wrestling brought weirdness with it. The WWF was in the formative stages of its bright neon gear and occupational gimmick spam, but WCW had some ideas too. One such idea was the "Jesse Ventura Strongest Arm Competition," where the Body hosted a bunch of wrestlers to compete in the subject of the landmark feat in cinema, Over the Top. I'm not sure if the whole thing was a shoot or whether they actually kayfabed it. Either way, Van Hammer won and marked the biggest accolade in his entire career. For his trouble, he got a plaque and an angry Tony Atlas calling him out. Also, Jesse Ventura was dressed in a Santa suit. WHAT CONSPIRACY IS HE TRYING TO HIDE, MCMAHON?



Tip of the hat to @PhilKenSaban for this week's superstar selection.

Mr. Azerbaijan Joins the Fray, and the First Two Tentative Matches Announced for National Pro Wrestling Day

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
Lovelace, shown here headlocking Tripp Cassidy, will look to bring home some hardware from NPWD
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

The beginnings of the card for National Pro Wrestling Day are beginning to take shape. Although nothing has been announced on the home page yet, two matches for the show have been unofficially made public via Twitter. The first will pit Juan Francisco de Coronado against Shynron in a war that will more than likely settle their score. Shynron has been a thorn in the Ecuadorian Elite's side for most of 2013. Most recently, the Spirit Dragon won Coronado's services as manservant after Coronado rudely and brusquely fired Herbert. The announcement seemed to come down via the official Twitter, and while no stipulation has been named for the match right now, the tone of the folks behind the event seems to indicate one will be forthcoming.

The second match, also strongly hinted at via the show's Twitter, will put Joe Pittman's La Copa Idolo on the line against Heidi Lovelace. The two have been going back and forth on Twitter, sniping like they're chomping at the bit to get at each others' throats. La Copa Idolo is the only title contested in Wrestling Is Heart, and oddly enough, Heart is the only Wrestling Is... promotion that is still ticking aside from Fun!

Finally, another name has been thrown into the fray for the event. Mr. Azerbaijan, the third member of the Polar Baron's Union to be announced, has been officially signed to appear at the Easton Funplex on February 1. With both his comrades signed and all three of the Baltic Siege announced to be there, will we see a trios match to settle their score, once and for all, go down? I certainly hope so, if I may speak as a fan.

My Problem with the WWE's Mae Young Tribute

Too often, Young was the butt of jokes, or the co-butt of jokes like the relationship she had with Mark Henry
Photo Credit: WWE.com
WWE has been running their Mae Young tribute package on every show since the iconic wrestling figure passed away last week. Every time I see it, I am touched by sadness. Though she lived a full life, her passing is still sad in that she was such a titan of the industry, and she was seemingly beloved by everyone who had come into her life.

But each time I watch the video, I start to feel some other emotions that have nothing to do with Young, but with the company who employed her in her twilight years. I get a bit angrier each time when I see a video dominated by footage of Young as mostly comic relief. Granted, I don't think much video footage of her days as the toughest wrestler on the planet and a pioneer in women's wrestling exists anymore. But I get the feeling more people are going to remember Young as the woman who birthed a hand or showed her "puppies" on pay-per-view (prosthesis or not) rather than one of the most titanic figures in wrestling history.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 28

Many Nos. 28 have made the final four, but only Batista has won from that slot
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Batista (2005)
Final four: Rick Rude (3rd, 1990); Randy Orton (3rd, 2012); Brian Knobbs (4th, 1991); Fatu (4th, 1994); Dude Love (4th, 1998); D-Lo Brown (4th, 1999); Kane (4th, 2000); Billy Gunn (4th, 2001); Batista (4th, 2003)
Multiple draws: Kane (2000, 2002); Batista (2003, 2005)
Longest: Sheamus (2011), 18:16
Shortest: Santino Marella (2009): 0:01.
Most eliminations: Seven — Great Khali (2007)

What a hodgepodge. The 28th Royal Rumble entry spot has produced a whopping 10 final four finishers, including the fourth-place finisher from 1998-2001. Only No. 30, with 14, has yielded more final four placements. Yet there’s only one winner, Batista in 2005, and he had to go to the Rumble’s only overtime session to win. There’s been showings like Great Khali’s jaw-dropping seven eliminations in just 3:45 in 2007, and two years later Santino Marella set the benchmark for the worst Rumble performance ever, lasting a single second.

It’s not that No. 28 isn’t strong. Those 10 final fours are tough to discredit, especially considering No. 29 yielded only seven despite a slight advantage. No. 28 also leads in total eliminations, 33-26, and in number of entrants who failed to record an elimination (12 for 28, 14 for 29).

Best Coast Bias: ¡LUCHA LIBRE! (clap clap clapclapclap)

¡SI! ¡SI! ¡SI! ¡SI! ¡SI!
Photo credit: WWE.com
For a long portion of Main Event, it seemed to be following the usual template of a lower-level show leading into a monthly event, to say nothing of the fact that the one looming was the Royal Rumble: buy the PPV or the kitten gets it.

This isn't to say that Sandow/Truth or Foxsana/Bellas were bad matches. They weren't by any stretch. They just didn't have something compelling between the ropes to rise the eyebrow and stop the endless fast forward to be like "Wait, I want to check that out."

And then Sin Cara mach 2 came out before Alberto del Rio to put a bow on the crown jewel of Ion TV, and the luchadores kicked out the jams.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 126: Patrick Vint

RUUUUUMMMMMMMBLE TIIIIIIIIME
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Episode 126: Royals Rumble

Patrick Vint of Black Heart, Gold Pants returns to the show this week. After a brief sojourn into Iowa athletics, we get into the meat of the conversation, the ROYAL RUMBLE. Pat is dismayed at the prospect of Batista coming back and winning, but I bring up the fact that WWE might be telegraphing his win a bit too hard. We discuss a bit about super-surprise wins as well before getting into Daniel Bryan, who is still not officially announced for the Rumble match itself. We chat a bit about his viability as a draw, his respite from the title picture, and how he's the most universally beloved good guy WWE has had since Steve Austin. After picking winners and going through dark horse candidates, we get into the prop bets. Discussion over the "Diesel push," iron man, surprise entrants, and wacky elimination avoidance is had, interspersed with diversions into what the best Rumble ever was and whether WWE will or should unify the secondary titles. We finish up with some Twitter questions.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.

There Was Only One King, And WWE Proves It Every Year

photo credit: Biography.com
It was the third Monday in January, so you knew how RAW was going to start. It's the same thing every year, as dependable as the sun setting in the west. You can almost hear somebody in the truck counting down from five before saying "Roll the King package".

This year there was 126 seconds full of promise and hope for the future, featuring the seemingly mandatory shot of an interracial handshake and filled with so many shots of notable African-Americans you could be forgiven for thinking February had started 12 days early. It started with The Speech, as it always does, and it ended with a simple four word edict of Keep The Dream Alive. You saw a lot of that, as you do every Martin Luther King Jr. Day; in a nation and a world which can turn history's winding roads into Twitter statuses just to keep them in the recesses of the mind what MLK Junior is probably best known for is the I Have A Dream speech that just turned 50 last summer.

And, of course, the WWE could've done light years worse than a tasteful video package to open their program. Yesterday, whether it be in the worlds of fashion, industry, politics from the far right, or children who took the wrong teachable moment away from Tropic Thunder, there was plenty to shake your head and sigh ruefully or even want to throw a chair and beat somebody up about, especially if you're a person in my position. But in saner circles at the beginning of the week, it came down to something bumper-sticker worthy and usually with the word Dream featured prominently in it. About never forgetting it, about it living long, about Obama reflecting it, and so on and so on.

So why did something that was guaranteed to engineer a positive feeling from almost the entirety of the audience and almost specifically aimed into my wheelhouse make me feel like turning into a Molotov-throwing insurgent about to level a building? Then there was another quote that came to mind that put it all into focus.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 27

Yokozuna took his lumps in the '93 Rumble, but that didn't stop him from being the best ever from the No. 27 slot
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Big John Studd (1989), Yokozuna (1993), Bret Hart (1994), Steve Austin (2001)
Final four: Faarooq (3rd, 1998)
Multiple draws: Glenn Jacobs (Isaac Yankem, 1996; Kane, 2005)
Longest: Bret Hart (1994), 15:08
Shortest: Bushwhacker Luke (1991): 0:04.
Most eliminations: Seven — Yokozuna (1993)

A great deal of this retrospective has been about digging up arcane data or twisting the conventional analysis to reveal new details about the Royal Rumble’s storied history. It’s not so easy to do that with the No. 27 spot, as one of the most widely-known Rumble facts is the 27th entry has won the Rumble a record four times. Steve Austin won form No. 27 in 2001 — his record third Rumble victory and the fourth win for No. 27 in just 13 Rumbles.

That means it’s been 12 years since a No. 27 claimed to prize. So what’s odder — that it happened four times in 13 years or that it hasn’t happened since? Since Austin’s win, no No. 27 has even made it to the final four (only one wrestler — Faarooq in 1998 — has made the final four from No. 27 without going on to win). The best finisher since Austin was Kofi Kingston in 2010, who lasted 2:51 and made two eliminations en route to finishing in sixth place.

So clearly the honor of best No. 27 goes to someone from the first 13 years. And with four winners, it has to be a difficult choice deciding the cream of the crop, right? Wrong.

Your Midweek Links: Snow Day!

Lots of Bryan this week and more
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It's a snow day, so here are some links to keep you from getting stir-crazy:*

Wrestling Links:

- The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 125: Tom Keiser [Bisery Miz-ness]

- These letters written by Ultimate Warrior and Vince McMahon are very revealing [TJR Wrestling]

- Words with the Dragon: A conversation with Daniel Bryan [The Classical]

- Daniel Bryan is winning the 2014 Royal Rumble [International Object]

- Here's what the last ten Rumble winners were doing on the go-home RAW [PizzaBodySlam]

- Presenting the Royal Rumble Pool, the best way to lose money while watching wrestling [SB Nation]

- Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Richard Sherman [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Episode 15: Gavin Loudspeaker, in the ring, with the candlestick [The Mandible Claw]

- The definitive Saturday Night Slam Masters power rankings [The Face-in-Peril]

- RAW: The more things change, the more things stay the same [WRESTLEGASM]

- The Best and Worst of RAW: Animal Style [With Leather]

- Thoughts on The Squared Circle: Life, Death, and Professional Wrestling [The Only Way Is Suplex]

- Celebrity Super Bowl Pickkake: Ric Flair [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Mae Young: 1923-2014 [Ringbelles]

- The Best and Worst of Impact: Selling England's Own Magnus by the Pound [With Leather]

The Best Moves Ever: 450 Splash

The shooting star press was the first highspot that I dropped my jaw at, but the 450 splash nearly dislocated my bottom jaw from the rest of my skull when I first gazed upon it. The move is still visually impressive to this day, so instead of seeing it once, I found a video showing ten people doing it. Enjoy!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Wrestling Six Packs: Surprise Royal Rumble Entrants

Put her in the Rumble. DO IT.
Photo Credit: WWE.com
The Royal Rumble is the greatest gimmick match of all-time. Many factors come together in confluence to make this opinion close to fact in my personal opinion. The chaotic nature, the bunches and elimination runs, the built-in potential for comic relief, the fresh matchups, and the propensity for epic finishes are all great contributing factors, but the factor that usually provides the best short term titillation is the surprise entrant. Names are swirling as to who might be unexpectedly entering themselves into the Rumble this year. Technically, Daniel Bryan would be a "surprise" entrant since he's not officially expected to be in the match itself (he's booked against Bray Wyatt in singles action). I have another surprise entrant I'd love to see be in, but I'm saving that one for a special piece on Wrestling On Earth that'll run Thursday. Other than those two, the following are six guys I would love to see make cameos in the Rumble match.

1. AJ Lee

Sawyer Paul (get the K out!) has said that he expects Lee to be the first female WWE Champion. Traditional metrics work against her. Size is valued by WWE, Bryan's push right now be damned, and that rumored maxim especially seems to hold true for females. The women they've teased as legitimate threats to the men have all had considerable body mass working for them - Beth Phoenix, Kharma, Nicole Bass, and of course Chyna, who won the Intercontinental Championship on more than one occasion. But Lee has something none of them have, the ability to hold a crowd in the palm of her hand. She's by far the most charismatic female performer they've ever had, and she has the bona fides in the ring to back it up. What better way to tease her going up against the dudes with dicks than by putting her in the Rumble match and letting her work in an environment where everything and anything is possible.

Dragon Gate 2013 Year in Review: THERE'S A STARRRRR MAAAAAAN WAITING IN THE SKY UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
An ace on the wane
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Where we’ve been (with a not-so-brief aside about CIMA)

Dragon Gate in 2013 lacked the same strong through-line that had marked both 2011 and 2012. In 2011, the main story was the feud between Junction Three and Blood Warriors. While stable warfare is one of the bedrocks of Toryumon/Dragon Gate, this was the first time that the entire roster was thrown into one of two groups, and a singular feud ran up and down the card. This paid dividends both creatively and in terms of match quality. It was a return to form for the organization after an extended period of artistic aimlessness and organizational controversy. At the top of the card, veteran ace Masaaki Mochizuki had a very productive Open the Dream Gate title run, stabilizing a belt that had passed through the hands of the new generation stars (Shingo Takagi, Naruki Doi, YAMATO, and Masato Yoshino) with varying degrees, but overall very little, success.

2012 was all about CIMA’s final title run. When writing about Dragon Gate, CIMA is inextricable. From the day the company landed in Japan as Toryumon, he was one of the aces. By the time Dragon Gate was launched in 2005, he was the ace, and many of the issues the company had pre-2011 stemmed from their first attempt to find the next generation hero. At the time, no one could replace CIMA.

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 26

No one has won from the No. 26 spot, but Kurt Angle is one of two who placed second
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: None
Final four: Big Show (2nd, 2000); Kurt Angle (2nd, 2002); Hulk Hogan (3rd, 1992); Rick Martel (4th, 1993)
Multiple draws: Rick Martel (1993, 1994)
Longest: Kofi Kingston (2011): 24:04
Shortest: Shawn Michaels (1990): 0:12.
Most eliminations: Four — Big Show (2000)

There have been 24 Royal Rumbles with precisely 30 entrants. Sixteen of the men declared the winner (or co-winner) entered between 22 and 30 — yet it’s never happened for a 26th entrant.

The closest were Big Show in 2000 and Kurt Angle in 2002, who finished second, and Hulk Hogan, who ended a memorable third in 1992. Rick Martel finished fourth in 1993, but no one expected him to outlast Bob Backlund, Randy Savage or Yokozuna at that point, and he met those low expectations. What’s most notable about that run is he entered at the same spot the next year and lasted exactly one second less — that might be the most rare, unlikely to be replicated Rumble quirk of them all. Also odd, but not as rare, is Martel twice entered at No. 26 and twice eliminated No. 26, doing so in 1989 and 1991.

Big Show gets the nod as the best No. 26 ever. He was in the ring almost five minutes less than Angle in 2002, but Show tossed twice as many men — and one more than Hogan dumped in 1992. Longevity’s never been a strong suit of the World’s Largest Athlete. He’s been in nine Rumbles (only four men entered more) and made 24 eliminations (sixth all time, tied with Hogan) but collectively lasted only 1:03:57 in the ring — 37th on the list — an average of just 7:06 per match.

SPAAAAAHTLITE

Photo Credit: WWE.com

After nearly four years, Batista came back to WWE. The wardrobe screamed DOUCHEBAG, which in Batista's case is excellent. His best character work came as SPAHTLITE-hogging, John Cena-insulting, too-cool-for-school self-absorbed star. However, stated endgame reminded me more of the Batista who feuded with Randy Orton in 2009, whose main character thrust was saying "I CAN HAS TITLE SHOT?" Still, one night back is barely enough to make a full judgment. Hopefully, he'll contribute to what is quickly becoming WWE's Golden Age of HOSS in a positive way like Big E Langston, Mark Henry, Ryback, and Sheamus have, and not in the negative way like Mason Ryan did.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Instant Feedback: The Lukewarm

What is the point?
Photo Credit: WWE.com
I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. -- Revelations, 3:15-16
The biggest crime in professional wrestling is not to have a character. You can be subtle. You can be a "tweener." You can try to paint the corners and use shades of colors that might be foreign to the target audience. But you have to have a character. You have to have motivations.

For all I know, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon have an endgame in sight. They could be heading towards a reckoning, where their master plans come to fruition in a Sixth Sense-level crescendo of sense and swerve. I am terrible at predicting these kinds of things, and WWE has a way of pulling things out of its posterior to the point where I can't be bothered to wonder whether they'd planned it all along.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings, January 20

Best. Postgame. Interview. EVER.
Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 4) - WWE is refunding house shows because he can't appear on them. Choke on that, haters.

2. Richard Sherman (Last Week: Not Ranked) - Sherman is the poster boy for everything I love about pro athletes. I adored Barry Sanders for his electrifying play on the field, but when he just handed the ball to the official after a touchdown, I kinda was slightly disappointed. Then again, that was Sanders' nature. He was a humble dude, but he was exciting in his own way. Sherman is like that on the field too, but goddammit, he's even better off it. He's a pro wrestling personality playing football. And to all those racist shitheads out there who wanna call him a "thug" or "classless" or whatever other coded language is used to denigrate someone for showing emotion? Dude graduated from Stanford with honors, and he's working on a Masters. Ten bucks says half the people muffling the n-word couldn't even get into Stanford.

3. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 3) - This week will be Summerlyn's last on the list. She isn't getting any less awesome, but all signals from her end seem to indicate her career as an in-ring performer is over. I know she'll continue to do great things in the business though - she's too experienced and talented not to lend a hand to certain Austin promotions who run at the Marchesa Theater cough cough - and hey, she'll always be around the Twitters doing her thing. I wouldn't think of this as a demotion. She's more becoming the "Best in the World in Perpetuity" or "Emeritus." You can't just STOP being as fan-fucking-tastic as she is, y'know.

National Pro Wrestling Day News and Wrestling Is FAKEOUT

Photo & Video Sharing by SmugMug
A Siege United
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein
Well, quite a few wrestlers have been named to the National Pro Wrestling Day roster since the last update, five to be exact. All of them relate to the Wrestling Is family of promotions in some way, and all five are alumni from last year's event as well. Getting down to business...

The Latvian Proud Oak is the first name on the list this time around. If I'm not mistaken, his first match was at National Pro Wrestling Day last year, tagging with his Baltic Siege teammate the Estonian Thunder Frog against the Devastation Corporation. If I may divert for a second, the Devastation Corporation (all three), along with their Wrecking Crew stablemates Jaka and Oleg the Usurper destroyed Wrestling Is Respect yesterday. Using the Gekido and Dr. Cube as decoys, Sidney Bakabella's boys laid the silver hammer down upon Respect's head to make sure that it was dead.

What does this all have to do with the Baltic Siege? Well, they appear to be firmly in the resistance camp against those who wish eradication of everything Chikara from the timeline. Saturday, the Gekido and Dr. Cube tried to take down Wrestling Is Fun! at the Funplex in Easton, PA. However, the Estonian Thunder Frog stood alongside Icarus and Dasher Hatfield to turn them away and keep the place going. Both the Thunder Frog and Hatfield standing beside Icarus is not insignificant. Aside from absolutely melting Danielle's heart by a display of solidarity and friendship, they are the first two wrestlers to lend support to Icarus at a live public display (Hallowicked did so in the Ashes videos).

From the Archives: 2005 Royal Rumble

Big Dave Batista makes his big WWE return tonight at RAW in Dayton, OH. In honor of the big galoot making his long-awaited comeback, why not have a gander at the Royal Rumble he won almost a decade ago. NINE YEARS? Holy shit, I feel old. Anyway, this Rumble match was famous mostly for the redo of the 1994 Rumble finish with a twist of OVERTIME instead of co-winners. Batista and John Cena were the final two, and in order to decide, Vince McMahon waddled out and tore both his quads. Anyway, watch and enjoy!

Royal Rumble by (Entry) Numbers: 25

The longest run from No. 25 ended in Rumble overtime and a loss to the Animal
Photo Credit: WWE.com
Winners: Hulk Hogan (1990)
Final four: John Cena (2nd, 2005); Mr. Perfect (3rd, 2002); Chris Jericho (4th, 2004)
Multiple draws: None.
Longest: John Cena (2005); 15:28
Shortest: Bob Backlund (1995): 0:16.
Most eliminations: Five — Hulk Hogan (1990)

That Hulk Hogan won the 1990 Royal Rumble wasn’t surprising — he was the reigning WWF Champion at the time. It was kind of he shock he failed to win the 1989 Rumble, but since his win from No. 25 in 1990, there hasn’t been a truly unlikely Rumble winner outside of Vince McMahon in 1999. Perhaps Alberto del Rio’s 2011 win was unexpected relative to the field, and smart money was on Chris Jericho to win in 2012 instead of Sheamus. But as unpredictable as the match itself might be, the list of winners is almost entirely populated with pedigreed Champions and hall of famers.

So Hogan’s 12:49, five-elimination performance in 1990 wasn’t just the best showing from No. 25, it was something of a standard setter for Rumble winners. No one else has won from 25, but since Hogan 14 of the 24 winners have entered between 22 and 30 (not including Del Rio, who entered 38th in a 40-man Rumble). Outside of Jim Duggan in 1988, positions 1-8 produced seven winners. The other two champs entered at 18 and 19. Essentially, the mid- to late-20s are where it’s at, more than half the time.