Instant Feedback: More Like Deuces and Instruction Cards, Amirite?

Before I start ripping the end of Impact tonight, let me write this. Having two moles within the company that a group is infiltrating is a great, tried-and-true story trope. If you're going to run an invasion angle, that makes all the sense in the world. I'm not dissatisfied at the story as much as I don't like the two guys who were part of the reveal. Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff are among two of the least impressive wrestlers on the Impact roster. I have no use for them, and judging by immediate reactions to the reveal as well as continued reactions that I've seen to these two from fellow Impact watchers, I am not alone.

Of course, having it follow yet another exercise in excess that was a Kurt Angle TNA main event didn't help matters either. Where I come from, you'd better have a good reason for kicking out of a top rope variant of a finisher. That's not being pedantic, that's wanting some semblance of order. Every other match in Impact ends in death off a regular finisher. Why do wrestlers get more HP when they are or step in the ring with Kurt Angle? That's why I don't take people seriously who still insist Angle's a great wrestler. He's not even a good one at this point.

But the show wasn't all awfulness. Any program they do in England just has a better atmosphere. They have better lighting and better camera work. They kicked off the show with Kazarian and Christopher Daniels doing regional cheap heat vis a vis Braveheart. Even the oldest, most hackneyed pro wrestling tropes are gold in their hands. I have to say that I also dug Hulk Hogan showing actual human character growth. I honestly feel like Impact could be a consistently great show if they actually had a management structure that knew how to tell good, steady stories. The characters are there, man. They're right there. Bully Ray's got fire. For all his faults, Hogan has never been short on charisma and ability to connect with the crowd. D-Von actually plays a really effective cocky prick. Yes, Brooke Hogan may only have range between apathetic and disinterested, but it's been easy to ignore her deficiencies thanks to her father and "husband."

Also, I don't care that it wasn't a mat classic. Joseph Park vs. Robbie E was such an incredibly fun match. Park's mannerisms and facial expressions are so on point. It's wonderful, the opposite feeling of seeing Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff revealed as members of Aces and Eights.

BREAKING NEWS: National Pro Wrestling Day Venue Changed

Via the Facebook Event Page

Just as soon as I hit "Publish" on the preview post for the event, news started to break that the venue for National Pro Wrestling Day was going to change. It was first reported on WrestleChat.Net that the Derby Ink Gardens were not going to be able to accommodate the event, which is a fine thing to find out only two days before the thing was ready to happen. There was last minute scrambling, but the event found a new home at the Philadelphia National Guard Armory at 2700 Southampton Road (at its intersection with US 1/Roosevelt Boulevard), still in Philadelphia. Although the city is the same, the venue, which hosted Ring of Honor's return to Philadelphia last January, is not in the same neighborhood as the Derby Ink Gardens. In fact, the Armory is about as far northeast as you can get in Philadelphia's city limits before hitting Bucks County.

Anyway, this is going to throw a major monkey wrench into fan access into the event, especially if hotels and transportation was centered around the event being in Center City rather than the Far Northeast. The Armory is also pretty far removed from any kind of outside restaurants or food services. There were a ton of places along Spring Garden Street that were in walking distance of the event, which would have made things easier for attendees to keep parked where they were and not risk losing their spots during intermission. Now, that gets a bit trickier.

However, it is better than having the event cancelled altogether. The Armory is a good venue to watch wrestling as well. It's no Trocadero, and for that, we should all be thankful. Anyway, please change your plans accordingly.

Celebrate Wrestling: National Pro Wrestling Day Preview

These two teams facing off again and more!
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Wrestling fans do a lot in regards to wrestling. They watch it, absorb it, analyze it, kvetch about it, curse its name, critique the decisions of the people in it, obsess over it, spend money on it, react to it, and even make memes out of it. But is there a day where fans get a chance to actually celebrate it? The closest answer I can think of is WrestleMania, but that is a celebration of only one company and all the tape libraries it has purchased (and even that's a stretch). That company is also increasingly falling out of touch with what wrestling really is, even if the actual depth and breadth of wrestling offered in their matches has gone up substantially even in the last few years.

Wrestling is a form of sport or entertainment in America where the market leader in it doesn't encompass everything worth celebrating about it. If Major League Baseball organized a "National Baseball Day," it would definitely encompass the entire sport in the country and perhaps the world given how insular we are about our National Pastime. Conversely, if National Soccer Day were celebrated here and only counted Major League Soccer? That would be like considering WrestleMania as the be-all, end-all celebration of pro graps.

This Week in Off-Topic: The Super Bowl

Justin Smith, the key player for the 49ers this Sunday
Photo Credit: San Francisco Chronicle via the AP

I've done Super Bowl previews the last three years, and the only time I was right was last year, when I grudge-picked the Giants to win. I freely admit that while I'd like to think my knowledge of football is extensive, my prognostication skills are piss poor. I really don't know who's going to win this game. I have leans either way. I'm rooting for the San Francisco 49ers to win, but only if Chris Culliver tears an ACL getting blocked by Brandon Ayabedejo. Okay, that's not a condition for victory. I just don't like people who make homophobic comments or who hate people because of how they choose to live their lives. But whatever.

So yeah, here are my cases for either team to win. You might agree with one. You might think I'm full of shit on both. Either way though, I'm just sitting back, watching the game Sunday, and hoping that if Baltimore wins, that Ray Lewis gets raptured before the celebration begins so we don't have to see him be all phony up in this heezy. Here goes nothing:

The One Where I Suggest Brock Lesnar Vs. Ryback at Mania

NOT PICTURED: A man who knows about hard times
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Black Heart, Gold Podcast: Episode 101

I made my GLORIOUS return to the Black Heart, Gold Podcast, a show for fans of the University of Iowa athletics program, and for a half-hour, Patrick Vint, Adam Jacobi, and I talked about the Royal Rumble. I gave some thoughts on the match itself, as well as the controversial main event between The Rock and CM Punk. We also got into how ludicrous it was for The Rock to basically cut the Hard Times promo despite having exactly 1/256th of Dusty Rhodes' street cred. I project what I think the top five matches will be for WrestleMania and then give what I want to see in the same spots. The show does go on after I leave, and if you're a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, the #FollowAdam_Jacobi Twitter meme, or both, don't just turn it off after I leave the show.

Best Coast Bias: The Hippo Lives

There they were, Brodus Clay and the Funkadactlys dancing alongside Assistant to the General Manager Tensai and getting a good reaction from the crowd and several children.  All I could think of was two things: launching whitepeopledancing.com and the vague possibility of resigning this post so I could go hunt for A.J. Styles or something.

Little wonder my girlfriend's friends laugh when she tells them I do this.

But in a show with a new storyline development and the continuation of another, I guess the place to begin is with the suddenly funky gaijin, who took the jibes of the Prime Time Players backstage -- by the way, what genius decided to give Titus O'Neill camera time?  Give that person a raise and you can take it from the one who replaced WOOF WOOF GET IT GET IT -- and then survived a...well, hoss fight wouldn't be the exact term.  No Show/Henry showdown this, but the two bulls meeting in the ring had its moments like them fighting for some time over a suplex.  It played better than it reads, I assure you.  Tensai showed some good fighting out from underneath before rallying for the win after Clay and the Family Funk came down to root him on with the BIG MAN SENTON OF DOOM~!  I mean, Claysai is not for me, and a team predicated on their enslavement to the rhythm pretty much shows what WWE thought of their big free agents that they acquired all the way back in the spring of 2012.   Yet, if Team Hell No is going to implode (internal sobbing) somebody's got to take their place, and maybe Claysai will light a fire under them both.  As with a lot of WWE lately, the things the audience seems to groove on and I seem not to be technically members of the same species.

I mean, these people hate Antonio Cesaro, for crying out loud!  Antonio Cesaro, OUR United States Champion!  The same people who can watch a MizTV segment with Ryback and their will to live stays intact!  Kudos and other snack bars to them; I just couldn't with pretty much the whole thing.  Jesus Horatio Vishnu, I know nobody pays attention to this corner of the world but wow.  Let me try rephrasing my thoughts from last week since they reprised the Cesaro/Ryback match and some trademark Stamford Wacky Banter betwixt the monster and the announcer beforehand: wrecking ball shouldn't make jokes.  Wrecking ball no usey the Miz's catchphrase.  Of course, this wasn't a strict reprise, no.  This time Ryback looked absolutely dominant for almost all of the match, and outside of hoping for a countout when Ryback missed him and hit the post and a sweet Calf Branding the champion looked almost irrelevant.  Even though it was pretty boss that he fell victim to a half-minute long suplex.  Just look at who's been on his plate lately: Orton, Sheamus, Ryback.  It's like they believe in him but not quite yet.  Oh, and the Miz.  I forgot about that pesky fly, but Cesaro used him as the fulcrum to a willful countout loss (yes, again) when in the greatest moment in Main Event history so far he YAKUZA KICKED MIZ IN THE FACE PRAISE BABY ALLAH IN HIS CAVE and ran out.  I don't want to say the end justified the means.  That said, Miz was out there running his yap like he hadn't just had an opportunity to end Cesaro's reign and gotten Neutralized cleanly in the center of the ring.  And nothing should be more American than kicking a reality star in the face when they won't shut up and their fifteen minutes of fame have passed.

The rest of the show was a recap segment, but it was Heyman's run at the Best Supporting Actor SAG and Brock Lesnar showing up 24 hours too late -- or did he bum bummmm bummmmmm...all right, all right, I just want Brock/Punk at some point, shut up -- but still F5ing the Deux ex McMachina.  And yes, it was so good it not only kicked off the show, but got rerun at the juicy part in the middle. 

While two moments of awesome violence against characters I despise wasn't enough to save the show necessarily, it did remind me of why Main Event's been my baby since its inception last fall.

That said, if they have Ryback applying flame-cooked marshmallow and chocolate bar pieces to a graham cracker next week, I will make Brock Lesnar look like Hornswoggle.

Hey Guys? I Sell T-Shirts Now

The Wrestling T-Shirt Shop

I've been talking about this for awhile, but yeah, now it's here. The Wrestling Blog now has a t-shirt shop attached to the site. Right now, I only have one shirt available, the one pictured above. It's the HOSS FIGHT tee, and it can be yours for the low, low price of $18 (US), plus shipping and handling for sizes small through 2X-Large. If you're sized 3XL or 4XL, the price is $20 plus S&H, which is still reasonable.

I am working on other shirt designs right now, and hopefully they'll be more stylistically pleasing to the eye. That would require me either learning how to do rudimentary graphic design in something other than MS Paint, or a kind soul doing some cheap mocking up of some ideas that I had. But for now, here's your first shirt. Please buy it, and please wear it with pride.

And a question for my esteemed female readers, fans, and friends out there. Would you be fine with just the men's shirts, or would you prefer having a lady's style tee also available? Please let me know in the comments. I know t-shirts can be unisex, but if you like the lady style shirts better, then I will provide that product for you. I am a businessman of the people, folks!

Okay, So the National Pro Wrestling Day Card ISN'T Complete Yet

Okay, so those special appearances that were advertised on the NPWD site to be made by Tommy Dreamer and Shane Helms weren't just appearances, but placeholders for matches on the card. Helms' match will take place in the evening, and it will be repping Wrestling's Heroes and Outlaws. Helms will team with Matty DeNero against Ophidian and Kobold. I at least like the rudos in that match, although to be fair, I know nothing about DeNero, and actually, Helms isn't bad if he's not yapping off on social media. That was quite the pleasant surprise.

Deus Ex WWE

Why is Vince McMahon back in charge? Because it's WWE's MO, folks.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

There's no logic in Vince McMahon being able to parade around the WWE arenas with all the power in the world when there was no precedent set to establish he had gotten it back. Triple H, by saying the ancient magic phrase "I love you, Pops," sucked out that power like Shang Tsung making a soul part ways with its body in Mortal Kombat. If anyone should be looking to strip CM Punk of his WWE Championship, shouldn't it be the COO and the keeper of the holiest of weapons, the THIS BUSINESS? Well, it should, but that assumes WWE has ever dealt in logical terms.

For years, the rule of WWE's logic and power has always relied on whatever seemed like a good idea at the time. Whether it was coherent within the story or whether it was just a thing plucked out for McMahon and his creative staff to say "That's how it is, deal with it you peons," the company has had no problem rolling out deus ex machina like it was water in the lazy river.

Yes, John Cena Had an Awful Year

Poor, poor John Cena
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Guys, John Cena had the worst year in his career between WrestleMania XXVIII and now. He's so emo about it too, always talking about how he never really got his engines running or his landing gear shelved inside the fuselage of his plane. It's hard to disagree with him. He didn't get to hold the WWE Championship at all, guys. He didn't even get to star in any shitty WWE Films ventures. And he lost to The Rock... LOST TO THE ROCK! Man, and don't even get me started on him only beating Brock Lesnar at the last minute instead of getting to treat him like The Big Show in 2009. Oh, and he didn't even get to drop real shit on top of Dolph Ziggler on New Year's Eve. Something about it being unsanitary. THE NERVE. It had to be pasteurized pig slop. What wimps Ziggler and AJ Lee for not wanting REAL LIVE FECES on them. It's still real to some people out there.

However, the hardships endured by John Cena knew no bounds. He's way too modest to list them all. So, I've taken the liberty of compiling every terrible thing that happened to John Cena between April 1, 2012 and today, January 30, 2013. I hope this is comprehensive enough, or Cena will have suffered yet ANOTHER indignity. WILL IT STOP? WILL IT EVER STOP? SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Killing Your Heroes, and an Apology

Chris Jericho said some really awful shit Monday night. I didn't call it out, because if I spent the entirety of my existence as a wrestling writer calling out every instance of bigotry, I'd be incredibly unhappy with writing, and I wouldn't do this blog. Calling out the major stuff like the Rock Concert or John Cena and Jerry Lawler fat-shaming Vickie Guerrero I thought was enough.

Yeah, at the time, I didn't think what he said was all that bad though. That raises an interesting problem to some people. Was I equivocating because it was my favorite or one of my favorites ever? You'd be human not to want to make excuses. Hell, I ruffled some feathers by calling out PWG, an insanely beloved company. I should have learned that lesson, but at the same time, why is it that people are so quick to call out people to point out every example of terrible shit in an attempt at gotcha arguing? That's the worst, and people who do that can, y'know, not read me and continue to live in their own bubble where women are objects with vaginas which are playthings that they can stretch like silly putty. I'm not talking about the people who just disagree with my assessments of Vickie Guerrero's treatment. I'm talking about the ones who disagree and don't want to have rational discussion. Those people can just fuck off.

But it does raise a good point about killing one's heroes, or better yet, why any of us have heroes in the entertainment business anyway. Bad is bad, no matter who does it. I still think it wasn't the worst example of WWE's misogyny on display, but to react to assholes trolling in an attempt to make it seem like I'm not intellectually honest wasn't right. The thing is though, I shouldn't give a fuck if you don't think I'm intellectually dishonest, unless you happen to have a basis for it.

The point is that I goofed by my reactions, or by even feeding the trolls in the first place. I was wrong, and I admit it. Not a whole lot of people saw it anyway, but it's really not cool to be the kind of person who thinks that just because the whole world didn't see it makes it right. If you think I'm doing this to earn brownie points with anyone, fuck off. If you think I'm doing this because you were able to goad me into admitting that you're a better person than me, especially if you think that women deserve to be called ugly hookers because she isn't up to your aesthetic ideal, fuck off.

I'm doing this because I don't think I was being a decent person in reacting to it. I don't want to be someone who isn't a decent person. I fucked up, and I'm sorry for anyone who might have felt like they weren't as worthy a person as they should have been because I condoned someone being referred to as a piece of property by someone who purports to be a good guy and someone to be cheered.

Your Midweek Links: A Whole Lotta Links

Always love having Rachel Summerlyn on the show
Photo Credit: Joel Loeschman

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week:

Staff Shots:

- This week on the podcast, Rachel Summerlyn dishes about local Austin food, looking up to Jerry Lynn, and of course, her departure from ACW [Episode 87: Rachel of Light]

- Here's where I criticize PWG for their lack of including women and my fear of them leaving their excellent native up-and-comers by the wayside [Cageside Seats]

- The Best and Worst of Impact by Danielle, who just thinks Joseph Park is so ADORBS [With Leather]

- Where I lash out at Ruben Amaro Jr. for his comments that walks aren't production [The High Phive]

Wrestling Links:

- The definitive end of the "intergender debate" [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- Hooray! Boss Lady Rachel and Sidekick Andrew are back! [Wrestlegasm]

- Chris Sims with an op-ed about the Royal Rumble and how it doesn't mean the same that it used to. [With Leather]

- Twice in a lifetime? No thanks, says Stephen Stone. [Complete Shot]

- Razor argues that the Rumble's resolutions may not be for us, but that the ride to get to those endings wasn't bad at all [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of the Royal Rumble, featuring Brandon Stroud going apoplectic, which is ALWAYS a good read [With Leather]

- And the Best and Worst of RAW, where Brandon asks Brock Lesnar where the heck he was the night before [With Leather]

- David Shoemaker on the Royal Rumble signaling WWE and its fans waking up from a five month dream after RAW 1000 [Grantland]

- Eamon Paton went to NWA Branded Outlaw Wrestling's New Years Show, and here's his review [Wrestlefan Writes]

The Best Moves Ever: The Torture Rack

It's very rare that submission wrestling is equated with big men with one exception. The torture rack backbreaker hold is the only thing the hosses seem to have (Big Show's co-opting of the camel clutch notwithstanding), but it can be a sight to behold. It's great applied on little dudes if the guy applying it really wrenches down, but it's also great when a certified hoss picks up a dude even bigger than he/she is and goes wild. That's what we have here. Ezekiel Jackson picks up Great Khali and beasts him into submission. YEEEAH.

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 87: Rachel Summerlyn III

She don't need your sass
Photo Credit: Texas Anarchy

Episode 87: Rachel of Light

The immensely talented and always cool Rachel Summerlyn is back for her third pass on the show. This time, she goes into some detail about her split with ACW for the time being and how she's taking the time to explore more actual wrestling opportunities. We get into how she brought Jessicka Havok to ACW. She reflects on both her own goals and desires as a "story" wrestler rather than a one-shot one and her time in what has been her home promotion for the last seven years. We get into St. Louis Anarchy and how it's different from ACW, and then move onto her dates with 2CW, especially Sami Callihan. She gives her take on wrestling against men and how she really hasn't had to deal with promoters being apprehensive about it. She gives the dish on places she'd like to wrestle for, as well as the wrestling she's been watching as a fan lately. There's a discussion about the Royal Rumble and about fandom in general, about general tone and negativity. She relays some bad fan experiences herself and how she's dealt with them. Food then comes up, especially some weighing in on the burger wars. Then we finish up with National Pro Wrestling Day and what Jerry Lynn meant both to her and to ACW.

Direct link for your downloading pleasure.

Wrestling Six Packs: Ways WWE Could Improve Without Changing Much

Why isn't Justin Gabriel getting more matches?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

People used to say that wrestling was "cyclical" and were waiting for it to boom again by now. People also didn't really understand things like "small sample sizes" or why on earth wrestling boomed in the first place when it did. I'm fully convinced that it won't explode again until either Vince McMahon dies or a legitimate second company blooms up to compete with WWE. As much as it sucks for the companies that are actually doing the lion's share of innovation on the indies and abroad, mainstream popularity lives and dies with WWE. For that to happen, something huge has to change in the mainstream. That's not happening now, obviously because there's no competitor and McMahon is still alive. However, here are six things that I think WWE can do to at least fix the problems they have and at least tread water creatively until the next big thing comes along.

1. Hey, that "deepest roster ever" that WWE supposedly has? Yeah, make use of that.

WWE has a million wrestlers, and a billion more in developmental, right? So why is it that we've had to suffer through maybe like three iterations of a WWE Championship match in the last few years? IN the past, there were fewer active guys on the roster and half the belts, but for the most part, there were fresh WWF Championship matches month to month. Even in the post-Mania 2000 period, when it seemed like Rock vs. Triple H would neeeeeeever end, they still broke things up with random Undertaker sightings to take them to the point where they could have Kurt Angle and He Who Shall Not Be Named getting spot PPV title shots. Why the hell can't Kofi Kingston get a token shot while John Cena or Daniel Bryan got other stories?

And that's not even getting to the problem of secondary title feuds dragging on while the Champions bounce from losing to guys higher than they are on the food chain and defeating the same people for months on end in title defenses. Is there any reason why The Miz is still feuding with Antonio Cesaro? What about Justin Gabriel? How about a Three Man Baaaaaand challenge series? Hey, let's flesh out the tag division while we're at it, and maybe let WWE women develop outside of the Divas Championship. Again, million wrestlers on the WWE roster and billion in NXT. There's no reason why matchups have to get stale, and the only time a guy like Tensai can get on screen is by wearing lingerie and feeling ASHAMED for it.

Bob Backlund... HOSS?

If you didn't notice from last night, WWE produced and aired a new video for Bob Backlund's Hall of Fame induction. I always knew the guy was solid on the mat, but man, he was doing some next level hoss stuff to guys like Hulk Hogan. That was a deadlift pumphandle suplex type move I saw. I don't know the name of it. All I know is that it makes Antonio Cesaro's Neutralizer look like lifting a 5-pound dumbbell. Hot damn.

Jessicka Havok's Theoretical Entrance into PWG: An Exercise in Breaking Down Straw Men

No cage can keep her fury contained; what is PWG so afraid of?
Photo Credit: Leslie Lee III/DDS

So yeah, as it turns out, people don't like it when you call out a promotion they like. That's okay, it's reflexive to have an answer in defense something that you hold dear when it's criticized. That being said, there are logical defenses and then there are half-truths, ignorant platitudes, and straw men.

The most insidious straw man of them all is the one that posits that I and everyone else who'd like to see Pro Wrestling Guerrilla put in a quota on women by force and ram them down everyone's throats into the main event. This is the most classic diversionary reaction, and it's the one that's meant to scare the living bejesus out of people who are comfortable with the status quo into thinking that people want to shake things up for no reason. There's a perfectly good reason to want to see Jessicka Havok and her peers enter PWG though.

The National Pro Wrestling Day Card Is Complete

Resistance Pro Wrestling has finally released their match to the slate, and thus, the entire card for National Pro Wrestling Day has been announced. It's a tag match featuring Robert Anthony (the former Egotistico Fantastico) teaming with ThunderKitty against Jay Bradley and Darcy Dixon. Other than the fact that Dixon seems to be a bodybuilder with implants, I know nothing about her. I've also never seen Anthony in action, but I heard he's pretty good. Bradley, I've seen him in his Gut Check match, and really, he didn't impress me as much as Brian Cage did. However, that could have been his worst day. I'm really excited to see ThunderKitty though. She's got an awesome gimmick of being a throwback to the '40s (and you all know how much I love anachronisms). I want to see her in a match where she's not saddled against the worst professional wrestler known to man (i.e. Trash Cassidy), and it looks like I'll get my chance Saturday.

A Question of Humiliation in Wrestling

Does this cross a line?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

As I was recording with the bros from the Black Heart, Gold Podcast last night ("Available thoon, heeyah on da muddaship." -- Dusty Rhodes), my Twitter timeline blew up with horror over seeing Associate Magistrate Tensai dressing up in a negligee and performing a dance off with Brodus Clay. I saw more than a few comments implying that they hated to see WWE making a wrestler go through such humiliation, especially one like Tensai who doesn't seem to get any boost on camera. I watched the segment myself, and yeah, having a dude cross-dress really isn't kosher for a company like WWE with an awful record towards women, LGBT, and otherwise "different" people. But at the same time, while I'm kinda tired of seeing a dance-off be used as a crutch every couple of months, it looked to me like Tensai was having a good time out there, really getting into it.

He could have been doing a great acting job for all I know, and honestly, no one is going to know whether he was humiliated by all this unless they sat down and asked him point blank after dosing him with sodium pentathol. The other famous humiliation victim, Jim Ross, has a Greek chorus come out for him whenever something heinous is perpetrated upon his person. He's a bit more vocal about denying whether he actually is offended or not on Twitter/his blog, stating that he's a professional and that it's part of the act.

D'You Wanna Know How I Got These Scars, Mr. Heyman?

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Purple sport coat, green(ish) tie, borderline sociopathic behavior... all that's missing is the green hair and grease paint (and scars depending on whether you prefer the Heath Ledger variant) and bam, Vince McMahon is totally AARP Joker. I guess that makes sense, given that CM Punk most resembles Batman than anyone else on the roster. Seriously though, who lets this man dress himself?

Instant Feedback: All Hail The Sword

Paul Heyman may not have been telling the truth when he was right there on the screen, telling Brad Maddox all his diabolical schemes to keep the WWE Championship on CM Punk. Personally, I relish the idea of "Paul Heyman impersonators" as a cottage industry. I think one could make good money and meet a lot of interesting people. You'd certainly earn indie cred with several readers of the blog by knowing Dean Ambrose. But assuming that Heyman was paying The Shield to keep his client safe. It was brilliant strategy, because if he had to bring out The Sword, ooh boy, things weren't going to be so smooth for those who'd cross him.

See, Brock Lesnar's bad chest tattoo takes on a whole different meaning when juxtaposed with his now role in WWE as the mother of all bombs. I'd like to think he became unstuck in time for a little bit, was able to see what went down in his company of launching, and got his tattoo as a convenient story trope. Of course, that's probably not how it went, but indulge me for a second, please. The Sword, as he is now monikered, at least to me, is the perfect complement to Heyman's arsenal. The Shield was only to protect the Heart (Punk). The Sword? It lashes out preemptively or at the very least, reactively.

It's not like Vince McMahon didn't deserve what was coming to him. The man has been drunk with power that he theoretically isn't even supposed to have anymore. Either that, or the "I love you, Pops," from eighteen months ago doesn't really mean a goddamn thing. Not that I want it to, because if those were crocodile tears from the son-in-law, that'll save us from the most epic THIS BUSINESSing we ever didn't deserve to get but was dumped on with anyway. However inevitable though, it hasn't happened yet.

But you know what did happen? Brock Lesnar came back in the form of a means of attack. The game has been changed. What that means for CM Punk, The Rock, John Cena, Undertaker, Sheamus, or really anyone on WWE's roster really is unknown. As the rest of the show sat in stasis of its Royal Rumble feuds (really, is there any reason why Miz/Antonio Cesaro needs to continue to exist?), the one plot point that advanced was the one that needed to cut its swath across the landscape.

And that cut had to be made by The Sword. Nothing else at this point would have been sharp enough, at least given how WWE has framed their own narrative.

Promo School - Jake the Snake, Wrestlemania VI

Photo Credit: WWE.com

The plain and simple fact is that Jake the Snake makes me the saddest.

It’s very easy, as fans of wrestling who write about wrestling who are maybe somewhat tangentially associated with wrestling on a very small scale, to talk about THIS BUSINESS and how mean and hard and cruel it can be. We may know some current wrestlers personally, and see firsthand their struggles with finances, injuries, and interpersonal relationships in the independent circuit. We can assume and speculate and criticize all we want, but that fact is, none of us know the true hardships that wrestlers have faced, and will continue to face in the future.

Jake the Snake is known as much for his brilliant, psychologically intense promo work as he is for his failures. A man so consumed by his demons that any glimmer of hope that he can fight them off is quickly snuffed out by any one of his inebriated appearances, or reports of failed rehabilitation attempt.

The Wrestling Blog's OFFICIAL Best in the World Rankings: January 28th

Bryan, doin' work in the Rumble match
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to a feature I like to call "Best in the World" rankings. They're not traditional power rankings per se, but they're rankings to see who is really the best in the world, a term bandied about like it's bottled water or something else really common. They're rankings decided by me, and don't you dare call them arbitrary lest I smack the taste out of your mouth. Without further ado, here's this week's list:

1. Daniel Bryan (Last Week: 1) - He and Kane once again climbed Mount Friendship, but Bryan was the one who knew that not even friendship could be an excuse for eliminating Kane from the Royal Rumble match. A cunning strategist, indeed.

2. Rachel Summerlyn (Last Week: 2) - This is a programming note that Summerlyn will be on the podcast tomorrow night because she generally kicks ass and is super nice, even to blogger folk such as myself.

3. Chris Jericho (Last Week: Not Ranked) - C'mon, how can you NOT put Jericho on here after his big surprise return last night? Also, for this.

A Short Retort About Drawing in the Indies

A draw or no? Not sure that can be answered
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

One of the comments to my Cageside Seats piece about Pro Wrestling Guerrilla said that Sami Callihan was a more valid name to fly out to Reseda than Jessicka Havok was (despite the equality in travel costs and savings on actually booking a woman versus booking a man) was that Callihan was more of a "draw." If true, that would be the ultimate rebuttal, and I'm not sure that I'm in a position to clearly state that either one would have more of a financial impact on an equal promotion.

That being said, it raises an interesting question. How does one actually go about determining what a draw actually is in the indies? Let's look at Callihan, at least through the eye-test in PWG. Watch a show from before Callihan showed up there. The crowd was SUPER NO VACANCY, right? It appeared that way. Look at a show after he showed up there. No real change in crowd, right? So, how could it be assumed that Callihan was or was not worth the flight in? DVD sales are one metric, and again, I don't have those numbers in front of me. However, it would take a lot more than raw DVD sales to convince any one member of the PWG roster is a draw over the others.

From the Archives: Heidi Lovelace and Dale Patricks vs. Tripp Cassidy and Reed Bentley

Okay, your parents yelling "Do we live in a barn?" may have outright stated living in such a structure wasn't particularly a favorable living condition. However, no one said anything about wrestling in a barn being bad. This is from the School of Roc Class Wars web series, where the wrestlers Billy Roc is training out in Indiana got their first taste of actual matches, stories, and exposure. Here we have three of the four representatives from the Wrestling Is Heart match at National Pro Wrestling Day with Dale Patricks in the place of Mat Russo. Yeah, this match might be mostly Reed Bentley and Tripp Cassidy beating the crap out of Heidi Lovelace, and I'm well aware of the unintended circumstances that might bring to the table. However, there are a lot of really good little stories being told here, so give it a watch, especially if you're coming to NPWD and want a taste of the WiH crew.

The Fan Wars

There he is, at the center of EVERY conflict
Photo Credit: WWE.com

There's no such thing as the "IWC."

Well, the Internet exists, and a wrestling fan community certainly exists there. But the way that the abbreviation is used is to imply that there's a selectivity to the membership of said group, like it's a hive-minded enclave of pock-marked fans who all root for heels, hate the WWE's mega-popular good guy, masturbate to indie wrestling tapes, and want a return to the Attitude Era. The truth is, the "Internet Wrestling Community" is a thing that is real, but it's not what the stereotype entails.

This community includes everyone on the Internet who talks about wrestling. Nowadays, that's pretty much everyone, or at least everyone under the age of 50. I am the same member of it than the 12-year-old kid surfing on the family PC with a web filter, following only WWE, festooned in every colorful John Cena shirt under the sun. I could not be philosophically more distant from that theoretical pre-teen, but here we are, on the same series of tubes that allows us to send data, dick shots, and LOLCats to each other, right?

Cageside Seats: Women and So Cal Natives, Please

No reason why J-Hav can't figure into PWG's dream matchmaking machine at all
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

Cageside Seats: The Indie Corner: PWG's All-Star Weekend Lineup Is Great, but Far from Perfect

This edition of the Indie Corner examines PWG's latest guest star haul for All-Star Weekend. I remark that it's a great slate, but wonder aloud where the women are, and also hope that the promotion doesn't become overrun with guys other people made at the expense of their own native talent.

Nuclear Blast Commence: Royal Rumble 2013 Review

The look on Lilian Garcia's face says it all.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

TEEEEEEE-AITCH STYLE~!

Highlights:

• Alberto del Rio retained the World Heavyweight Championship against Big Show in a Last Man Standing match by having Ricardo Rodriguez tape Show's legs to the bottom rope while del Rio had him in the cross armbreaker.
• Daniel Bryan and Kane retained the Tag Team Championships as Bryan tapped out Damien Sandow with the NO! Lock.
• In a match that saw the return of Chris Jericho and Kofi Kingston using an office chair to escape certain elimination, John Cena last eliminated Ryback to win the Royal Rumble match.
• Despite attaining an apparent win via shenanigans from an unknown assailant during an arena-wide blackout, CM Punk lost the WWE Championship after a Vince McMahon-ordered restart to The Rock and his People's Elbow.

The Greatest Jeri-Troll of Them All

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Raise your hand if you expected Chris Jericho to show up last night at the Rumble. Now put your hand down, because like the Spanish Inquisition, no one expected it. In a spoiler-first, halfheartedly apologize for it later news environment, it was refreshing to see not only be surprised with Jericho, but, y'know, to be surprised with Jericho and not, I don't know, Carlito or Shelton Benjamin. Nothing against fans of those guys, but when the WWE can go out and get Jericho, a bona fide living legend who actually had beef with the guy he started out against, and keep it a surprise? Yeah, that's way better.

That being said, I have to wonder whether the news outlets reporting "confirmation" on all those dudes being in the Rumble were actually either being worked or were in on the ruse all along. Regardless, can we all agree that spoiler reporting sucks and should be done away with? No? You guys are no fun.

20 Years Gone

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Twenty years ago today, Andre the Giant passed away after the disease that made him a giant, acromegaly, caused the congestive heart failure that claimed his life. Andre is best remembered to longtime fans as one of the top draws for the (W)WWF in the late '70s and early '80s, but most younger fans (and by younger, I mean those in their thirties and below like myself), he's the guy Hulk Hogan bodyslammed at WrestleMania III.

Either way, the man was a veritable legend in the business and perhaps the second most iconic pop culture crossover in history after The Rock. I mean, what role has noted "movie star" Hulk Hogan taken in his life that was more memorable than his turn as Fezzik in The Princess Bride? He was also legendary for his drunkery, as the man once consumed 156 beers in a single sitting, a total which would have killed an entire fraternity if consumed.

The man was truly larger than life. I will never forget Andre the Giant, and as long as people who love wrestling and wrestling history continue to honor his memory through repeated viewing of his various feats, he'll continue to be one of wrestling's greatest iconic figures throughout history.

Twitter Request Line, Vol. 23

Know Kyle Matthews, know peace
Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein

It's Twitter Request Line time, everyone! I take to Twitter to get questions about issues in wrestling, past and present, and answer them on here because 140 characters can't restrain me, fool! If you don't know already, follow me @tholzerman, especially around Friday night after Smackdown, and wait for the call. Or don't wait for it actually. I'll try to get everything for this feature no matter when in the week you shoot me the Tweet. Anyway, here we go.

First up, Scott Holland of Irresistible Force vs. Immovable Object asks whether an ESPN-style "Bottom Line" ticker at the bottom of the Royal Rumble telecast would enhance the viewing of it.

In sport, I think the Bottom Line is a great idea because of the lulls in the action. In any other setting in wrestling, it could be good too, mainly because of the rest holds needed. However, for the Rumble, I'm not entirely sure I'd be on board with that. The Rumble match itself is about as jam-packed with action as you can get, and I say that knowing full-well that there are the lulls in it where guys are just standing around, stomping dudes in corners and trying to leverage people over the ropes badly.

That being said, when Randy Orton is pulling out his bouquet of headlocks, there's no danger of the guy in them to tap out and lose the match. However, in the Rumble, you never know when there is going to be one of those guys actually going to the floor, even on a most awkward-looking rope dump. Also, I've noticed that they've gone away from the traditional format over past few years and started doing a much more quickly-paced Rumble based on individual story strains. The match is changing, and whether you want to argue it's for better or worse, it's seemingly allowing for more of a quicker, frenetic pace than the old, Pat Patterson-produced matches.

So when you have to pay more attention to the match action, you have less time to glance at the bottom for any distraction. So no, ixnay on the Bottom Line for the Rumble.

Instant Feedback: When Did You Shave Your Head, Tamina?

You know, the first thing I would have said once the Rock called me Twinkie Tits on RAW two weeks ago if I were Paul Heyman would have been to bring up his gynecomastia surgery for his own breast removal. But I'm not the first person to bring it up, nor will I be the last. However, as I saw Rock's eyes and his intensity and the look he was giving CM Punk tonight in the ring on Smackdown, I came to the realization that he looked like someone very, very familiar. So with that, if I were Paul Heyman or even Punk himself, I would have made this comeback to Rocky.

When did you shave your head, Tamina?

No, seriously, I know that the whole misogyny thing is played out, and we shouldn't be fighting fire with fire and all. But man, wouldn't Rocky really feel the taste of his own medicine? Wouldn't he maybe stop ragging on women if the resemblances between himself and a female on the show? Eh, I'm probably offbase. But still, it's amazing that a guy who embodies most of the things that he accuses other people of being can be so obnoxious. Projecting much? I wonder if Dwayne Johnson sees the irony in Rock being such a shithead.

The segment started out well enough. Punk going from his cold nihilism into fiery evangelism against The Shield was amazing. Even though I know this is going to end up with him being behind The Shield, but everything in Punk's delivery has made me believe that he really isn't behind them. In fact, I would right now bet money that Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar are setting Punk up, but that's just getting ahead of myself.

The rest of the show felt bland outside of the main event, which was a fine main event. I loved the psychology of Big Show wanting to get all his wins via countout, and del Rio as the guy with the golden boot is a great offensive milieu for him to have.

A Queen Bows to No One, Even in Defeat: Chikara The Great Escape Review

In the family-friendliest style known to man, TH Style!

Highlights:

• Green Ant used the Chikara Special: Green to tap out assailANT in the opening contest.
• Anthony Stone outlasted Jivin' Jimmy and Cameron Matthews to pin Kobold with a top rope Flatliner called the Stone's Throw to advance onto the Young Lion's Cup semifinals.
• Ophidian wriggled out of a Freakin' Sweet Driver and applied the Death Grip (cobra clutch) on Frightmare for the tap out victory.
• The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger felled Icarus in his debut match with the guillotine leg drop.
• Scott Parker pinned deviANT after he and Shane Matthews delivered the Sweet Taste of Professionalism (assisted wheelbarrow Codebreaker) for pinfall in 3.Akuma's win over the Swarm (f/ Soldier Ant).
• Tim Donst left Jakob Hammermeier out to dry, allowing Obariyon to hit him with the leaping DDT from the top, sealing the win for the Batiri.
• In a mild upset, Sugar Dunkerton rolled up the Shard with a school boy for the flash 1-2-3.
• In a match that saw the rudo team go to the drawing board twice, literally, Hallowicked nailed Antonio Thomas with the Go 2 Sleepy Hollow for the win in atomicos action ('Wicked, UltraMantis Black, Mike Quackenbush, and Jigsaw vs. the Young Bucks and the Heart Throbs).
• In the main event, Eddie Kingston successfully defended his Chikara Grand Championship against Sara del Rey with a Backfist to the Future and a Sliding D.

Trent Barreta Will Be Debuting for PWG

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Trent Barreta has been out of work for two weeks now, and he's already finding work. This is a good thing, especially given what company he's landing with...

Trent? will be making his PWG debut at All Star Weekend 9 on March 22nd/23rd!
— PWG (@OfficialPWG) January 25, 2013

Yes, his name is now "Trent?" due to obvious copyright implications, but finally, a guy who didn't already come from the major DVD-selling indie scene is going from WWE to at least one of those promotions. I'm excited for this, because I think PWG is definitely the perfect speed he should be running at. Of course, opponent(s) haven't been announced yet, but really, there aren't very many guys I'd see him be pitted against that wouldn't at least produce a good match on paper.

Hopefully any and all future wrestlers getting released take this path if they don't get immediate contract offers from Dixie Carter. If Vince McMahon is going to be hell-bent on stripping the indies of their top guys, then it's only fair that the ones he lets go to make room for those wrestlers replace them on the indie scene.

ETA: LOOK:

Remember when Paul London used to create joy, dreams, love and magic at PWG?Well he's about to do it again.London returns at ASW9!

— PWG (@OfficialPWG) January 25, 2013

Yep, that's Trent Barreta and Paul London. The only sad thing is that of course London comes back just as his ¡Peligro Abejas! tag partner is leaving for WWE. Still, PAUL LONDON! YEAH!

God Bless You, Wikipedia Edit Trolls

Guys, I was stumbling around Wikipedia looking up something for tweet material, when I came across this MAJOR ROYAL RUMBLE SPOILER:

Yep, Ahmed Johnson is coming back and WINNING THE ROYAL RUMBLE this year. Holy shit. I wonder if I can get Vegas odds on that, since they do have betting on a fully-predetermined event. Then again, they have NBA betting, so why not wrestling? I keed, I keed basketball fans. We all know boxing's the major sport that's rigged.

Anyway, if you go to the Wiki Rumble page now, you'll see it's been scrubbed. Thank the Lord for those trolls with their troll-edits, but praise Jeebus that I was able to catch it in time before they "fixed" it.

Countdown to Oblivion?: WWE Royal Rumble 2012 Preview

Is the Rumble a sentence to see this again with gold on the line?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The WWE Universe is two minutes to midnight. The Doomsday Clock of a John Cena/The Rock rematch at WrestleMania, this time with the WWE Championship hanging in the balance, looms as large as nuclear annihilation did at the beginning of Alan Moore's seminal graphic novel, Watchmen. If you think I'm being too overdramatic, take a look at the career arcs of each wrestler of late.

John Cena, the prohibitive favorite to win the Rumble match, has spent the last two months literally taking a dump on Dolph Ziggler. Before that, he kept losing to CM Punk, but kept getting title shot because who the fuck knows why. His explanation was "CM Punk hasn't earned his big time moment yet." I'd argue his laundry list of "moments" is impressive by any standard, from surviving Jeff Hardy's suicide leap at SummerSlam '09 to laying out The Rock at RAW 1000, but I guess that's the story. It would be a compelling one if WWE were cast in shades of gray, and one could argue that it totally is, even if the company line is still that John Cena is "The Champ" even without the belt.

That being said, shades of gray only work when the characters portraying them are interesting. You may find Cena to be intriguing right now, but I shudder at the thought a hokey guy with corny jokes who is the worst possible carbon copy of Kal-El of Krypton claiming yet another WrestleMania moment in his portfolio of a whole buttpile of them that he has.

The Maximos to Represent That Fighting Spirit

Hey, it's the Maximo Brothers representing New York City's Fighting Spirit Wrestling in a tag match against two guys that I again can't tell you about. I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed what the Maximos brought to the SAT team at King of Trios in '11, so hey, this match has something going for it already. As for Angel Ortiz and Mike Drazik? Well, they're part of the experience of exposing new audiences to new wrestlers, which I guess is what NPWD is all about, eh?

Someone to Root For

Joseph Park, a good guy's good guy
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com

A lot of times in the past, I pegged Impact Wrestling's biggest problem that the bad guys won too much. More accurately, either the bad guys won, or the good guys won just in enough time to see themselves turn into baddies. It was like the inverse of WWE's problems, where the good guys won way too easily with barely any conflict resisting them in the process. As it turns out, I may have been a bit mistaken.

Look at the people positioned as good guys in Impact Wrestling over its history. Why were we supposed to root for them? Samoa Joe won all the time, which okay, people love to hop on a bandwagon, right? What reason was there to like Kurt Angle other than "uh, he used to wrestle for the other guys?" When AJ Styles was positioned as a top hero in 2009-10, it was as an insufferable whiner. Even recently, despite the fact that the company had improved in providing a balance of heroes and villains, I wasn't all too compelled to root for a guy who yelled real loud and spilled beer all over the place like a bargain basement Steve Austin. Now, obviously, James Storm might have appealed to a different crowd, which I think is an improvement. However, a good babyface has something that is universally appealing, right?

I think last night, the company proved that they have finally gotten that universal appeal down with two absolutely powerful soliloquies from two vastly different characters.

Friday Five: The Royal Rumble

It's this Sunday!

1. What was your personal favorite Rumble moment ever?

2. Buy or sell: John Cena is an absolute lock to win the Rumble match this Sunday.

3. Who do you want to be a "surprise" entrant this year?

4. Buy or sell II: The Rumble match should always go on last.

5. Who is the greatest Rumble performer of all-time?

Instant Feedback: Commercialism

So, not only has Impact Wrestling become a commercial for Bellator, it's a commercial for itself. With fifty-two episodes a year, it's impossible to make every show must see, and Impact always takes a bigger feel when they're in front of the insanely rabid UK crowds. That being said, that doesn't make sitting through a weekly show any better. It seemed nearly every segment was either talked over by Bellator ads (which is inexcusable, even though I kinda understand why Spike TV is pushing it) or it was promising something next week.

Then again, some of those segments were still charming or compelling at least. For example, Joseph Park? That guy can get on the mic and talk about the fiscal cliff, and I will stare at my flatscreen rapt and in awe. I want to root for him to do anything he wants to do. Taz cutting his promo at the top of the show? Jesus, where was that Taz as an announcer. There was fire, man. HOT fire. That wasn't close to the Taz I remember to ECW, but it was at least slightly evocative. That's a start.

Then, there was Bobby Roode, playing the role of the world's most muscular, main event-bodied Shawn Michaels bump freak. That man pinballed all around the ring for Hernandez, making him look like a MAWNSTER. He didn't go Full Ziggler, but I'd put him at 0.74 AT LEAST on the STAHP ZIGGLER STAHP scale, especially when he went all dinghy-hitting-a-depth-charge off that pin kickout, landing flush on Earl Hebner's back. Hell, Bobby Roode all night was amazing, because he made that backstage segment with Austin Aries, looking slyly at his biceps when Aries called him "the muscular one" of the team.

In fact, the main event of the evening was a seeming makegood on how "TUNE IN NEXT WEEK" the show was. I think Christopher Daniels and Jeff Hardy could have been a little better, but there were higher highs here than in most Impact fare, best example being that top rope sitout gordbuster Hardy hit on Daniels.

Still, while there were fine moments on this show, I couldn't shake the placeholder feel of this show. Next week should be better, but then again, are we still going to get Bellator spammed to us on the show? Whether you're a MMA fan or not, you gotta admit that shit's annoying.

The High Phive: Why Does Ruben Amaro, Jr. Hate OBP?

C'mon Rube, you shouldn't sign guys coming off EPIC years of failure
Photo Credit: Lehigh Valley Live

The High Phive: Hey Rube, Walks ARE Production for the Phillies

In my latest for the High Phive, I look into the utterly foolish signing of Delmon Young by the Philadelphia Phillies and the insistence by Ruben Amaro, Jr. that he's interested in production, not runs. I paint the picture that not making an out is the most important thing in offensive baseball, and that bases on balls help not to make outs more than most other things a hitter can do.

The Fallacy of the Third Hour Drop, Part 12948 in the Infinite Series Ratings Don't Matter

Don't worry about CM Punk's standing in the company because you saw some bad ratings news
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Stop me if you heard this one before. Website posts the ratings from RAW each week. It notes that there was a decrease in the audience from hour two to hour three. The report calls the trend "troubling" and notes how many weeks in a row RAW has had a drop. It gets used as an argument against ending the three-hour RAW experiment. Much rabble gets roused, and jokes get made as if there's a mass exodus of eyes leaving the screen.

It's true, WWE experiences a dip in audience from hour two to hour three of RAW most weeks. However, numbers without context are like movies with no conflict. There's no point and they're boring. We need to know what the numbers are telling us, and in plain English, it means the numbers are suggesting that people aren't watching WWE to completion with the implication that the sky is falling.

NPWD to EVOLVE with AR Fox and Shane Strickland

Yes, the running theme of my match announcements for National Pro Wrestling Day has been "Well, I don't know much about so-and-so," and that will continue with EVOLVE's match announcement. I don't know a whole lot about Shane Strickland, but I do know that he's going up against AR Fox in this match. I'm pretty sure Fox could have a decent match with Mae Young, so against someone of able sound and body? Yeah, I guess you could say I'm just amped to see Fox on this card. Truth is, you should be too.

This Week in Off-Topic: Sign This Petition

A trophy worth having off for
Photo Credit: City-Data via the Associated Press

Hey, there's a new White House petition circulating! No, it's not to deport Piers Morgan, commission the building of a new Death Star, or have the corgi replace the bald eagle as the national animal. Nope, I'm just gonna let Mike Tunison, .gif wizard and editor of my favorite non-wrestling commentary/dick joke website on the net, Kissing Suzy Kolber, say it in Tweet form:

All online White House petitions are stupid, except this one to make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/decla…
— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) January 24, 2013

Yes, that is a petition to try and get the day after the Super Bowl as a national holiday. Yes it's dead serious and not just a publicity stunt. It's a noble gesture too, not because it celebrates football either. You people (YOU PEOPLE) know that I'm almost as big a fan of football as I am the pro graps. However, the root of it is not a national lionization of the sport. I'm well-aware that not everyone in the country is a fan of it, and that the organization of the NFL isn't deserving of getting that much praise heaped upon it.

Best Coast Bias: No Two Men Should Have All That Power

So here's one of my least-favorite tropes WWE seems absolutely to be in love with in the modern era: heel champion v. babyface "challenger" in a non-title match with a (Derrick Rose excremental) ending.

Put Cesaro in the ring against Ryback on the last C show before the Royal Rumble and you don't have to be Damien Sandow Appearing Later On In The Show to guess the tenor and outline of the match involved; of course it's going to be hard-hitting and highly entertaining until a disappointing ending.  What's really confusing in this case is that Miz kept Cesaro from bailing once in the course of the bout but apparently doing so twice was going to wrinkle his hair gel or something.  Utterly baffling, and if that was going to be the way things shook out he should've done it neither time or both.  Speaking of utterly baffling, Ryback was in the back telling a joke.   WHY IS HE TALKING SO MUCH NOW?!  I don't want my wrecking balls having souls, I want them laying dudes out in two minutes and leaving.  And we all know what passes for Stamford Comedy in 2013 (think 2 Broke Girls without all the redeeming attributes of Kat Dennings).  In ring, at least, the former Nexian was willing to show a wider arsenal with a 747 and some technical skills.  Granted, he will never be my very European mancrush Antonio Cesaro who flies through the air with the DJiest of all Gabriels, but that was as welcome to see as it was to hear Miz on commentary making salient points on how one will be best equipped to survive the Rumble.  His being #1 last year and main-eventing Wrestlemania and getting his shot at Cesaro pre-show Sunday all came into play seemingly organically without a big anvil drop, which is what you want out of your commentators. 

Speaking of Sunday, did you know it's the Rumble?  It was gutsy but brilliant to lead with the '13 version of By The Numbers and good god, th--is tha--that's the Heavy's music!  Who knew they could find something current, awesome and not nu-metal?  Did I set that up in my sleep or something? 

I really hope the rumors of Big Show retiring are overblown.  His short, sweet promo backstage promising the PUNCH OF DEATH to any "weak, single-celled amoeba" that dared step in his way was a 75-second thing of glory.  (Also, as we all should remember, the only thing that could stop the Big Show longterm is a second trip to the Hall of Pain.)

For as much as I remain befuddled the Usos never have gotten the rocket up their ass I was more than a little pleased to see them outright dominating the number 1 contenders (and probable future Tag Champs) for large portions of the match.  Even the ending played into the smart boys underthinking their match, as there was no Terminus, and no CrossRhodes; no, Sandow dove onto the top rope crotching one of them going for the Superfly splash and simply barely got 3 off of that.  When's the last time YOU saw a match end without a finisher or off a rollup from a distraction?  Marvelous, and hopefully with Rey's injury sidelining ¡Los Luchas! the Usses get this kind of platform on a bigger stage and not just the seven people who watch WWEME.

All that said, Sunday is going to open up a lot of fun questions -- how many people will Ryback eliminate?  are we getting a surprise return?  Will Ziggler use the Last Man Standing stip as his open door to cash in and become champ?  Is it possible that I lose my voice cheering for C.M. Punk? I suppose some 167 hours from now we'll see what the fallout from getting them answered is.

The School's Got Heart

Billy Roc is one of the most celebrated trainers in the Midwest right now. He's been shopping around his students at the eponymous wrestling academy he runs around several different promotions, including his own School of Roc YouTube show. As it turns out, he's bought into the whole Wrestling Is family and the promotional outlet for said school is now called Wrestling Is Heart. I remember seeing three out of these four wrestlers involved in the company's National Pro Wrestling Day match - Heidi Lovelace, Tripp Cassidy, and Reed Bentley - wrestle before. Lovelace the one who made the biggest mark because she had a memorable angle turning on her partner Angeldust at Girls' Night Out 7. Mat Russo is unfamiliar to me, but hey, that seems to be the running theme here.

I'm a Rachel Summerlyn Guy

"Hey Mr. J..."
Photo Credit: Joel Loeschman

My first exposure to Rachel Summerlyn was as a sacrificial lamb to Sara del Rey on a random ROH on HDNet episode, where the company was pretending like it was going to kickstart the Women of Honor division again. As you can tell by their current holding pattern of feeding wrestlers to MsChif to no real end that's in sight, that's gone real well. I saw her again on the opening of a few SHIMMER cards, and I still really didn't get the gist of what she was all about. To be fair, no one really was talking her up around the time I was first exposed to her abilities in the ring; I hadn't met Brandon Stroud yet for him to introduce me to a company in Texas called Anarchy Championship Wrestling.

It was there that I got to see what the real story was. In a backdrop where she didn't just have to be a "female" wrestler, but a wrestler, and one with a lot of importance thrust upon her shoulders to boot, her star shone like the summer sun in the high noon sky. She pretty much did everything for ACW, and she did it well. Finally, in November of last year, she won the Anarchy Championship and sat on the top of their world as arguably the most important wrestler in Texas, let alone in her own promotion. For a company that featured as many awesome wrestlers as ACH, Jessica James, the Submission Squad, Matthew Palmer, and Athena, no one seemed to be more valuable to their company in 2012 than Summerlyn was. She had so many stories run point through her, mainly because she could handle it so adeptly.

Wrestling Culture Podcast Debates the Best Wrestler of All-Time

Jerry Lawler wrestles Terry Funk to the mat in the infamous Empty Arena match
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Wrestling Culture Podcast Main Page

I've talked up the Wrestling Culture Podcast a lot on here, and for good reason. It's one of the damn finest shows about wrestling out there. Dylan Hales and Dave Musgrave tend to go long, but it doesn't feel long because they're usually edifying and entertaining. Episode 35 of the show, however, is probably the best one yet, or at the very worst the best one since the episode where they had Vandal Drummond on to talk about the best arcane gimmicks ever.

Dylan and Dave welcome Will and Charles from the Pro Wrestling Only message board for a roundtable discussion. Dave moderates, and each of the other three take up their personal candidates for best ever. Will champions Jerry Lawler, Charles holds up Ric Flair, and Dylan presents the case for Terry Funk. It's a fascinating look at all three men's careers and an honest, thorough comparison of the three and their places in the wrestling pantheon without resorting to mudslinging. When I say this is a must listen, you had better believe it's a must listen. It's 2:40:17 of enriching wrestling historical perspective.